If ministerial selection was like the X-factor

Ministerial Selection is a long and searching process. If you're going to ordain someone - or however you identify your leaders - it's important that you do your best as an organisation to get it right. They are to be conveyors of grace and visible signs of the Kingdom in your local communities. And while some might do that in ordained ministry, others might actually be better-suited to other callings in the same kingdom.

For some Methodists, the period of time spent in discernment, training and probation is longer than a typical working life. While in the Church of England, after a long period of discussion with a DDO and several interviews with assessors, vicars and bishops, the candidate is sent off to Bishop's Advisory Panel. Here they will endure several - often very challenging - interviews on their spiritual, pastoral and intellectual attributes, which they will undergo while having very little sleep due to the hard beds, self-doubt and sound of trains going past in the middle of the night. After which, if they are recommended, they face several years of education, training and further self-doubt, and then a curacy before they are a fully-fledged vicar.

Beaker People have to wear the Sorting Hat to determine which theological college or course they should attend, after which we make them do menial work for several years to try and break their spirit. Charlii, for example, has spent the last four weeks cleaning the lavatories and replacing the wiring in the Great House - and sweeping out the cobwebs in the attic for us. However I'm concerned she still needs to learn some humility.

But what I'm saying is that the whole thing is very important, very serious and often very deeply emotional. People can shed real tears and endure real doubts and pain along the way - knowing that before them they still have a long hard slog. Wouldn't it be easier if.....


The audition stage

Contestant: I am the God of Hell-fire. And I bring you....
Gary Barlow: Next.


Dermot: Ant, can you please get off the stage? You're in the wrong show.
Ant: What? You mean you're not Dec?


Methodist Superintendent, London South Central:  Jerome, for a moment you had us wondering - that move with the pelvic thrusts - was that really suitable to a largely ageing and middle-class demographic? I'm sorry. It's a "no" from me.


Leon(contestant): I really know that if I want to be somebody instead of nobody, I have to show that I've the heart and the guts and the determination and the drive. And I really hoped that by hopping up on stage here and signing "I will Survive" for a couple of minutes, I might by-pass all the hard work involved...

Louis Walsh: Justin, you really really owned that reading from Jeremiah. It's a "Yes" from me.

Bishop of Chingford: Randolf, you've really split the judges here. Yes, we like your work. Your compassion and love for people - that's just shone through. But your universalist theology and your assertion that "God's just a figment of our imagination" - are you right for the Church of England? So far it's 2 Yes's and a No...

Drayton Parslow: Miriam, you may "believe you can fly". But I call that putting the Lord to the test. It's a "no" from me.


URC Moderator of the Welsh Borders: Gandalf, are you sure you wouldn't be better off watching "Merlin" on the other side?


The Boot Camp


The Revd Sinnitta:  Barbara, you told us you were really feel called to ministry because you wanted the opportunity to tell everybody what to think, in an environment where you could not be contradicted. I'm sorry. You're not going through.


Archdeacon of Notting Hill: Paula, you've been on a journey. From the moment we discovered you were a single mother with a tragic backstory, there's been no doubt. You're through to the Live Final.


Gary Barlow: Jason, if I put you through, it's gonna take all your guts to go through with it. Some Sunday evenings you may be putting on a live performance in front of three or even four people. Can you live with that?


Vicar of a small benefice who had a bit of time on his hands: I always knew it was a mistake dividing the Boot Camp up between "Boys", "Girls" and "Under 60s". And I had to get the "Boys". So I'm not putting anyone through.

The Dreaded Letter

Dear Charlii

Thank you for attending the Beaker Selection Conference in Avebury Boulevard, Milton Keynes, last week.

I'm pleased to tell you it's 200% "Yes".

Blessings


Archdruid Eileen