Life has come to such a state of suspicion and Health and Safety obsession. The Witch Scare this morning was absolutely the last straw.
So I've decided from now on, people have to carry with them at all times proof that they are entitled and safe to carry out their alloted roles.
To this effect, tomorrow's Procession will be as follows (as well as the proof that when you prick them they bleed, and they are therefore definitely not witches:
SUNDAY CLUB LEADERS - bearing CRB certificates
TEA LIGHT BEARERS - carrying fire safety certificates as well as tea lights
BOUTROSIFERS - carrying Manual Handling certificates as well as pebbles
BAPTISTS - bearing 25m Swimming certificates
COMMUNITY NURSE - bearing First Aid certificate
JAMES BOND - carrying Licence to Kill
SEA SCOUTS - carrying certificates of seaworthiness
ORGANIST - with Grade 5 Piano certificate
CHOIR - with noise abatement order
TREASURER - carrying Certified Accountancy certificate
THURIFER - carrying certificate of gas-mask training and an inhaler
ARCHDRUID - carrying Degree in Theology from the "Higher Plains" On-line University of the Interweb.
What certificates do your Bell Ringers carry?
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