The Fairytale of Theological Training

It was the Summer Term, in Vicar Factory
A leaver said to me, "won't see another one"
And then we sang a song,
"The Lord of Sea and Sky"
made it through Evensong
then had a little cry.

Kenosis does my head in, as philosophy
I'd rather specialise in Queer Theology
And now my faith is sure
In Jurgen Moltmann
Though Bruegemann's my man
for post-modernity.

[Mandolin Break]

Got a tome big as Rome, I've got books by de Rad
But enculturation just makes me feel bad
And through thinking eschatologically
I thought that the Rapture was waiting for me.

The chapel choir was singing "Will you come and follow me?"
And we shared our doubts over a cup of tea.

"You're a Liberal, Socinian,
Sold-out to modernism
Sitting there, you're so wrong, reading books by Jack Spong."
"You Tractarian rat, you just like gin and tat
And from me you won't hear once we get out of here."

The chapel choir was singing "Will you come and follow me?"
And we shared our doubts over a cup of tea.

Why do we waste our time on this theology
When we're ordained it won't help on the church committee.
Are we so sure we need to seek eternal truth?
We should be learning how to fix boilers and patch the roof.

The chapel choir was singing "Will you come and follow me?"
And we shared our doubts over a cup of tea.

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Disclaimer: 

No ordinands were harmed in the making of this pastiche. Theological training is actually more worthwhile and fun than depicted here. But a song about being worthy and having a vision for the future wouldn't be very funny.