The Over-long Procession

You know how it is. We wanted to do something proper liturgical for our All Hallows/ Saints/ Souls/ Halloween Mash Up Service. Something like a proper church.

And our plan was to have a procession. A proper procession. Not just the usual one where the Druids and the Acolytes follow the Tea-Light-Bearer along the Corridor of Uncertainty, walk up to the Worship Focus and plonk themselves down on their bean bags.

No, I wanted to go for a proper procession. One where we did a figure of eight, passing through between the Beaker Circle for numerous different directions to do the whole "Pretending to be in a Cathedral" thing.

Except we didn't rehearse it, did we? It's been a long week. And the procession had too many members for the manoeuvre we were trying. As we realised when the front of the procession was about to intercept the middle of the procession, in the middle of the Moot House.

Full marks to the Folk in the procession. The early ones just timed their steps to alternate their way through. And then the fitter ones, who had experience in gymnastic liturgical dancing, managed to leap over the people coming from the other direction. Bad news for Zyril, who vaulted over little Demelsa then realised his arthritis wasn't as quiet as he'd thought. There's nothing puts you off worship so much as a bloke screaming and holding his ankles.

But the real problem came when the Acolytes realised they weren't totally in control of their Heelys. Dreadful, dreadful braking technique. Smashed straight into each other. Then Raderick ricocheted off and ran over Zyril's wrist.

It was, it's fair to say, a bad day for Zyril.

So I feel we've learned a few things today.

First up - measure the length of processions. Then don't let Zyril do anything acrobatic. Do not issue Licenses to Acolyte until the people concerned have passed their Heely Proficiency Test (Grade 3) with at least a Merit.

And finally, never never never think you're a cathedral. It's only asking for trouble. Unless you have a very good gift shop with St Albans fridge magnets. Then you'll probably be OK.