The 5G conspiracy goes Further Than We Imagine

Brothers and Sisters, you must forgive me for putting up this post on a day of Sabbath rest. But let me explain.

Formerly, before the Government inspired lockdown to control us all so they can microchip us with vaccines made from the horcruxes of Bill Gates, I used to go across to the house of the so-called Archdruid Eileen to post my occasional inspirational messages. But since the Government, to further the interests of the capitalist-lizard-illuminati-vortex has decided that we cannot leave our houses or go within 6 feet of any other human being apart from our awfully wedded spouses and other relatives who live in the same house, this is no longer possible.

Since it is clear that the so-called coronavirus is both non-existent, artificially created by the Chinese in association with the FBI, and caused by 5G radio waves and not a virus at all, Marjorie and I have been living under the lead roof of Bogwulf Chapel. This has protected us from the baleful influence of the 5G waves, but has also meant that we have spent the last two months living on a diet of orange squash, bad coffee, and shortbread biscuits. You will note that we eat only of the shortbread biscuit, the plainest and most godly of the biscuits. We have no truck with the luxurious fleshy indulgences of custard creams or the bourbon.

But today we have returned to the Manse. This is not because we have confidence that the dreadful 5G has been switched off. But rather, we have run out of biscuits. And returning to the Manse, I now have access, when Eileen chooses to switch on the network, to the internet.

Brothers and sisters. I had a vision that I need to share with you. It came to me on the evening of the Lord's Day last week when, having drunk of black coffee made with rainwater and indulged in half a packet of hobnobs - our special treat of a Sunday evening, but only of the plain oatmeal. We eat not of the chocolate-chocolate chip - I had a dream.

In my dream I was lifted up to heaven. And I saw that honest people of all beliefs were coming together to protest against the 5G and the imaginary coronavirus which definitely does not exist, but which it causes. To come together in parks all over these islands, and stand nervously shoulder to shoulder and say "no. We will not tolerate your 5G and we do not believe in the coronavirus which it definitely causes and we demand the right to rub noses with Piers Corbyn in greeting."

And I realised, Brothers and Sisters, that these gatherings are themselves a part of the Master Plan for the Enslavement of the World. For in gathering in parks - without buildings to surround them or roofs over their heads - are not these innocent people not putting themselves at maximum risk of exposure to 5G waves from Elon Musk's satellites above their heads? And in using megaphones to protest - as surely as day follows night, a Corbyn in an open space will use a megaphone - do they not know that these are weapons of mass virus dispersion?

Believe me, Brothers and Sisters. When, in three week's time, these brave people are suffering from catching the imaginary coronavirus, it will not be because they have chosen to protest against the lockdown. It will be because, without his even realising it, Piers Corbyn has been spreading non-existent virus to all his followers through his innocent use of a megaphone, even as they have been bathing accidentally in the rays of the 5G radiation - a whole G more damaging than 4G radiation - and thus causing the virus to spread.  And this was all planned by Barack Obama.

We will not cease from our mental strife to make fools of ourselves. Because we are British. It is our birthright.

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