Saturday, 14 August 2021

Church Souvenirs Pricelist

 I've been thinking. This Covid lockdown thing cost our economy a lot of money and a lot of people and organisations have had to find new ways to raise cash. 

Not us, of course. I've got just the kind of well-healed, educated congregation that could just work from home and save on commuter fares. Which was why it was so easy for me to justify jacking up the wifi subscriptions. But new ways to raise cash is always good. 

Now I've noticed that a lot of churches try to make some money from visitors by selling postcards and souvenirs. And I reckon we can get some of that action. Not in the Moot House, of course. That looks like a cross between the Tellytubbies' home and the worst aspects of 1970s Milton Keynes. I mean St Bogwulf's Chapel, in the grounds.

St Bogwulf's Chapel was built in the 12th century on the very site of the martyrdom of the holy saint. He was beheaded by the Norse as they came to plunder Aspley Guise. Being an Anglian saint, of course, he didn't let a little thing like decapitation stop him. Instead his head, moved to Ludgate Hill, continued to prophesy the future of England: including the invention of the Internet, the winner of the 1927 Derby (from which my grandfather made his money) and George Carey's disappointing reign as Archbishop of Canterbury.

At least, that's what the guidebook says. In fact, the chapel was built as a "tin tabernacle" for the Extremely Primitive Methodists by my grandad. With the money he won on the Derby. We later stone clad it in greensand stone, to confuse people.

So prices for the souvenirs of Bogwulf Chapel will be as follows:

Slightly battered guidebooks:   £2.45

Damp leaflets:  40p

Postcards (with edges folding up):  30p

Fridge magnets of St Alban: £4.50

Fridge magnets of St Bogwulf: £5

A History of Husborne Crawley by a local who made most of it up:  25pup

Hymnbooks: Please stop taking them

Second Hand Dave Walker calendar which will work again in 2087 (and the jokes.probably still will): 50p

Second Hand Michael Green books from the 1980s: Just have them

1 comment:

  1. The only thing we sell is our Parish Magazine for the small sum of £1 sterling, cash, or £12 for an annual subscription by direct debit, which we can adjust if needed. The price doesn't cover the cost of printing, but it is a missional publication (I am the editor). We distribute it free for those who would like a pdf version, which amounts to around 75 subscribers. We also share it free on our facebook page and whatsapp group, and who knows how many download it, as we don't really do that stats (we don't understand the underlying tech). I accidentally became editor when the previous editors immigrated to the South Atlantic, and I was the only one left in the crowd when a call for a volunteer was made. I had never seen a vanishing act like it? So, here I am, nearly two years later, lumbered, reluctant and people keep saying that the drivel I publish is excellent and they want more? I actually think that this is an avoidance strategy, clearly as their sincerity is suspect.


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