Lament for Someone Who has Been Ambushed with a Cake

 A junior minister nobody has ever heard of, Conor Burns, defends the Prime Minister by claiming he was ambushed with a cake.

Oh woe is me for I am undone

I am become as one who has been accosted by Colin the Caterpillar

Or even Clyde.

And now I am a trifle disturbed.

I am become as a jelly.

Why so downhearted, my spirit?

Why so downcast, my soul cake?

For it is butter cake.

I mean, but a cake.

I am as a sponge that is wrung out

And yet I will rise like a meringue

and return to the land of the Linzer Torte

and become like one of the angel cakes.

Where is now your Victoria Sponge,

O Death by Chocolate?