I just realised the mistake we've been making. We keep confusing James Lovelock, creator of the Gaia hypothesis, with HP Lovecraft, the creator of Cthulu - easy enough to do, given their names.
That's why the Beaker Folk believe that if we keep burning fossil fuels, we'll be invaded by evil soul-sucking monsters. They'll all be really relieved when I tell them we're all going to die from food shortages, drought and rising sea levels instead.
Showing posts with label Green. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Green. Show all posts
Monday, 18 June 2012
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Collapse of White Cliffs of Dover "Not Due to Global Warming"
In a shocking turn of events, the BBC today did not associate a dramatic environmental incident with climate change.
A large chunk of the White Cliffs of Dover have fallen down. The BBC suggests this may be due to "freezing conditions over the winter". It's been cold, so a chunk of cliff fell down - in strict correspondence with the "freeze-thaw" mechanism we were all shown at school. Pumping CO2 into the air had nothing to do with this, apparently. The sub-tropical conditions we were forecast for the last three years had absolutely no impact, what with them not happening.
BBC, you're missing a trick. We're in a drought, for goodness sake. Surely the cliffs have collapsed due to dehydration - and therefore it's climate change?
There is good news, though. If you look at the picture of the fallen cliff, there's another one right behind where the old one fell down. I guess cliffs must be like shark's teeth?
A large chunk of the White Cliffs of Dover have fallen down. The BBC suggests this may be due to "freezing conditions over the winter". It's been cold, so a chunk of cliff fell down - in strict correspondence with the "freeze-thaw" mechanism we were all shown at school. Pumping CO2 into the air had nothing to do with this, apparently. The sub-tropical conditions we were forecast for the last three years had absolutely no impact, what with them not happening.
BBC, you're missing a trick. We're in a drought, for goodness sake. Surely the cliffs have collapsed due to dehydration - and therefore it's climate change?
There is good news, though. If you look at the picture of the fallen cliff, there's another one right behind where the old one fell down. I guess cliffs must be like shark's teeth?
Thursday, 8 December 2011
The Dangers of "Green" Energy
I don't know. They don't work when there's no wind. They're switched off when it's too windy. And when it's really, really windy - this happens. That's quite a carbon footprint.
Thursday, 29 September 2011
On speed
Reading the news about the raising of the speed limit I wondered momentarily if it were April Fools' rather than St Michael's Day.
But I note the Gruaniad's paragraph:
"The existing 70mph limit was set in 1965. The government argues that cars are significantly safer since then, with a fall of 75% in the numbers of people killed every year on British roads since then."
.... from which, momentarily, I drew the moral that Dave's boys and girls want to raise the speed limit to bring that hint of danger back to the mundane world of motoring. Jeremy Clarkson would approve.
"It also says that up to 49% of drivers are currently breaking the top speed limit."
....which implies if everybody went out stealing, the Government would legalise theft.
But I note the Gruaniad's paragraph:
"The existing 70mph limit was set in 1965. The government argues that cars are significantly safer since then, with a fall of 75% in the numbers of people killed every year on British roads since then."
.... from which, momentarily, I drew the moral that Dave's boys and girls want to raise the speed limit to bring that hint of danger back to the mundane world of motoring. Jeremy Clarkson would approve.
"It also says that up to 49% of drivers are currently breaking the top speed limit."
....which implies if everybody went out stealing, the Government would legalise theft.
Sunday, 20 February 2011
Time Team - the Disappointment
Yes, it was a bad day.
Tony Robinson and his friends (is it me or do the Time Team archaeologists get younger and more female as you get older?) came along and at first were very excited.
The lovely Greensand they knew about - a sandstone layer that is a gorgeous green when first hewn. And that, of course, makes the church look so lovely. But the "Husborne Crawley layer" - small stones, with an intermixed organic matter showing signs of burning - they assumed at first that it was proof that the Late Stone Age Husborne Crawley (populated by the original Beaker People) had suffered a shocking invasion, and was burnt to the ground.
Sadly not. Further investigation revealed that the small stones were from our "Encountering the Spirit of the Pebble" service a couple of years ago, while the burnt organic matter was deposited by the "Night of a Thousand Tea Lights" explosion. There's some very grumpy archaeologists headed back off down the A421 towards the Rollright Stones, and we're not gonna be on telly after all.
Tony Robinson and his friends (is it me or do the Time Team archaeologists get younger and more female as you get older?) came along and at first were very excited.
The lovely Greensand they knew about - a sandstone layer that is a gorgeous green when first hewn. And that, of course, makes the church look so lovely. But the "Husborne Crawley layer" - small stones, with an intermixed organic matter showing signs of burning - they assumed at first that it was proof that the Late Stone Age Husborne Crawley (populated by the original Beaker People) had suffered a shocking invasion, and was burnt to the ground.
Sadly not. Further investigation revealed that the small stones were from our "Encountering the Spirit of the Pebble" service a couple of years ago, while the burnt organic matter was deposited by the "Night of a Thousand Tea Lights" explosion. There's some very grumpy archaeologists headed back off down the A421 towards the Rollright Stones, and we're not gonna be on telly after all.
Thursday, 27 January 2011
The little details
Yesterday I was touched and flattered that our friend Church Mouse allowed me to write a "piece", as I believe it's called, on Growth, George and Gaia.
On reading it back again today, however, I notice two minor changes. Where I wrote"Global Warming (TM)" and "CO2", they have been rendered as "Global Warming (TM)" and "CO2". A mere copyist's error, I have no doubt, caused by an inability to reach the "superscript" and "subscript" buttons with paws. But as a result, instead of a thoughtful piece, balancing the need for economic development with respect for the environment, it makes me come over as some kind of megalomaniac who wants to fly around the country in a helicopter while her fellow Beaker-folk press doilies in a desperate attempt to cling to a subsistence lifestyle.
On reading it back again today, however, I notice two minor changes. Where I wrote"Global Warming (TM)" and "CO2", they have been rendered as "Global Warming (TM)" and "CO2". A mere copyist's error, I have no doubt, caused by an inability to reach the "superscript" and "subscript" buttons with paws. But as a result, instead of a thoughtful piece, balancing the need for economic development with respect for the environment, it makes me come over as some kind of megalomaniac who wants to fly around the country in a helicopter while her fellow Beaker-folk press doilies in a desperate attempt to cling to a subsistence lifestyle.
Truly it is amazing how it is the little details that make a difference.
Sunday, 2 January 2011
Environmentally Sustainable Pews
I'd had this idea before, but thought it might be in poor taste. But maybe it's slightly more appropriate now.
The great Victorian love of installing pitch pine pews - uncomfortable to keep you awake, fixed to the ground to keep you facing forward - has been in retreat for many years now. Old chapels and inner-city have closed, and some churches have received faculties, and replaced pews with trendy chairs. And they tend to get sold off.
We've never paid much attention to pews here at the Beaker Folk before. After all, they're not really our style. We like to sit people round in a circle so they have to make eye contact whether they like it or not. And some of our more meditative events can merge into a doze quite easily. So we went for bean bags.
And in any case, the pews went to the pubs. There was nothing that could give a pub a dose of instant authenticity quite so much as a few pitch pine pews. So there was a lovely ready market in our other remaining local institution from the Middle Ages - at least until the Black Death comes back.
But now it's not the churches closing, it's the pubs. 40 or 50 a week. Losing people who presumably argue to themselves that they are drinkers, but they don't see why they have to drink in a pub. I blame the smoking ban myself, others blame the supermarkets, and we all blame Drayton Parslow. He's particularly smug, thinking that a decline in public drinking in this country proves that we are steadily becoming a nation of teetotallers.
But now my guilt has been removed. Suddenly the pews are ex-pub rather than ex-church. And there's pine tables and all sorts to go with them. So I've decided: what with them being effectively endless in supply, cheap and short-term carbon. I'm installing a pew-burning stove.
Health and safety notice: varnished pews may give off carcinogens when burnt in a domestic heating apparatus, and leave your flue in a right old state. We do these things so you don't have to.
The great Victorian love of installing pitch pine pews - uncomfortable to keep you awake, fixed to the ground to keep you facing forward - has been in retreat for many years now. Old chapels and inner-city have closed, and some churches have received faculties, and replaced pews with trendy chairs. And they tend to get sold off.
We've never paid much attention to pews here at the Beaker Folk before. After all, they're not really our style. We like to sit people round in a circle so they have to make eye contact whether they like it or not. And some of our more meditative events can merge into a doze quite easily. So we went for bean bags.
And in any case, the pews went to the pubs. There was nothing that could give a pub a dose of instant authenticity quite so much as a few pitch pine pews. So there was a lovely ready market in our other remaining local institution from the Middle Ages - at least until the Black Death comes back.
But now it's not the churches closing, it's the pubs. 40 or 50 a week. Losing people who presumably argue to themselves that they are drinkers, but they don't see why they have to drink in a pub. I blame the smoking ban myself, others blame the supermarkets, and we all blame Drayton Parslow. He's particularly smug, thinking that a decline in public drinking in this country proves that we are steadily becoming a nation of teetotallers.
But now my guilt has been removed. Suddenly the pews are ex-pub rather than ex-church. And there's pine tables and all sorts to go with them. So I've decided: what with them being effectively endless in supply, cheap and short-term carbon. I'm installing a pew-burning stove.
Health and safety notice: varnished pews may give off carcinogens when burnt in a domestic heating apparatus, and leave your flue in a right old state. We do these things so you don't have to.
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Sense and Sustainability
There's been a certain amount of grumbling about the log fire in my Archdruidical lodgings. How can we claim to be a sustainable community, some ask, when there are all those logs being burnt? What about the CO2?
Well you're all wrong. The point is - that wood was grown in the grounds of the Great House, and it's being burnt here. More trees were planted to replace the ones that were cut down to burn. It's all short-term carbon, not like burning nasty diesel or natural gas. It's all part of the circle of life. We even chuck the ashes around on the kitchen garden to spread the potash.
If we used fossil-fuel powered chain saws to slice the logs, we would be adding to the carbon footprint of my log fire. But that's not a problem, because they are sliced up by Beaker People using whatever saws happen to be available in the woodshed.
And the good news for other Beaker People, as you sit shivering in your rooms this evening, is that healthy, wholesome, holy physical exercise will help you to get warm.
So if some one could nip out to the woodshed and split some logs for me, that would be great. I get a toasty study, and you will feel the warm glow of physical exertion. And Mother Gaia will be just that little bit cooler.
Everyone's a whiner. Sorry. Winner. Winner.
Well you're all wrong. The point is - that wood was grown in the grounds of the Great House, and it's being burnt here. More trees were planted to replace the ones that were cut down to burn. It's all short-term carbon, not like burning nasty diesel or natural gas. It's all part of the circle of life. We even chuck the ashes around on the kitchen garden to spread the potash.
If we used fossil-fuel powered chain saws to slice the logs, we would be adding to the carbon footprint of my log fire. But that's not a problem, because they are sliced up by Beaker People using whatever saws happen to be available in the woodshed.
And the good news for other Beaker People, as you sit shivering in your rooms this evening, is that healthy, wholesome, holy physical exercise will help you to get warm.
So if some one could nip out to the woodshed and split some logs for me, that would be great. I get a toasty study, and you will feel the warm glow of physical exertion. And Mother Gaia will be just that little bit cooler.
Everyone's a whiner. Sorry. Winner. Winner.
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
The Sun Shines on the Righteous
Fascinated by this article by George Monbiot.
According to Mr Monbiot, the new Government scheme for subsidising "green" energy through feed-in tarriffs is inefficient and pointless, and a ridiculous and immoral mechanism for moving tax money from the poor to the rich. On the other hand, the Liberal Democrats are cheap (as long as not in Government) and have an apparently endless source of hot air. So they're for it. But the important thing that Mr Monbiot highlights is that, regardless of its morality of efficiency, you can make money out of it.
Don't know about you, but I'm off to invest in some solar panels. We've got loads of roof space and we're in the East of England so we get plenty of sun in the summer when you really need all that extra heat. We only allow the inmates hot water for one hour on three days of the week, so we'll have bags of spare capacity.
I reckon we're quids in.
According to Mr Monbiot, the new Government scheme for subsidising "green" energy through feed-in tarriffs is inefficient and pointless, and a ridiculous and immoral mechanism for moving tax money from the poor to the rich. On the other hand, the Liberal Democrats are cheap (as long as not in Government) and have an apparently endless source of hot air. So they're for it. But the important thing that Mr Monbiot highlights is that, regardless of its morality of efficiency, you can make money out of it.
Don't know about you, but I'm off to invest in some solar panels. We've got loads of roof space and we're in the East of England so we get plenty of sun in the summer when you really need all that extra heat. We only allow the inmates hot water for one hour on three days of the week, so we'll have bags of spare capacity.
I reckon we're quids in.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Green Electricity
I'm pleased to announce the Beaker Green Electricity scheme. As of today the People of the community will be able to benefit from electricity provided solely from our new reclamation/incineration scheme - using 100% waste materials - and the generator we've built down in the Big Meadow.
OK, we've a few teething troubles. But electricity and hot water will be available in the Great House between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. And my office, like the Beaker Bazaar and the Moot House, are supplied from their independent source so you can be assured that we can keep selling pebbles and doilies. And especially tea lights. And I will continue to be able to issue my bulletins at all hours - although you may not be able to read them. And if the sun's out, the solar panels we fitted for the Christmas Lights will be kicking in. So round about May you should all have all the electric light and heating you need, during the hours of daylight.
Meanwhile we've just got to solve the problems with that giant plume of smoke that's spreading across the motorway. Say what you like about burning old tyres as a source of energy, they're smelly.
OK, we've a few teething troubles. But electricity and hot water will be available in the Great House between the hours of 4 and 6 in the morning. And my office, like the Beaker Bazaar and the Moot House, are supplied from their independent source so you can be assured that we can keep selling pebbles and doilies. And especially tea lights. And I will continue to be able to issue my bulletins at all hours - although you may not be able to read them. And if the sun's out, the solar panels we fitted for the Christmas Lights will be kicking in. So round about May you should all have all the electric light and heating you need, during the hours of daylight.
Meanwhile we've just got to solve the problems with that giant plume of smoke that's spreading across the motorway. Say what you like about burning old tyres as a source of energy, they're smelly.
Monday, 8 February 2010
Toyota Prius Recall
In an environmentally-minded community such as ourselves, the announcement that Toyota are recalling Priuses due to a braking fault is bound to have an impact. Indeed, we currently have four Prius drivers among our Folk.
Anyway, ever safety-conscious we’ve had them all checked first thing this morning, and I can confirm the tests were positive.
They’re all smug.
Anyway, ever safety-conscious we’ve had them all checked first thing this morning, and I can confirm the tests were positive.
They’re all smug.
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