The BBC States the Obvious

A curious little paragraph from the BBC in an article reflecting on the standing-down of Archbishop Rowan Williams.

Referring to the "Archbishops' Compromise", whereby women bishops wouldn't have as much authority as the other type, the author writes:

"It was almost carried by the General Synod but was defeated in the House of Clergy, where the influence of women priests is strongest."

They have a point there. After all, the influence of priests in the House of Laity is always going to be limited. While the influence of women in the House of Bishops is pretty well zero, unless there has been some systematic and technically highly accomplished fraud.

So, the BBC has advised us that the influence of women priests is highest in that part of the General Synod where one finds women priests. I await their informing us on the impact of ursine quadrupeds on the biochemical composition of arboreal environments.

Jeremy Clarkson

I missed Jeremy Clarkson on telly, although I heard recordings of it later. He said some buffoonish things on telly and people got very angry. But it sounds, from the clip that I heard, that he was being deliberately and obviously buffoonish - the words "But this is the BBC and I'd better be balanced..." or thereabouts were a bit of a clue.

And I heard the leader of a union that had been wanting to bring legal action on "PM" last night, saying that she had spoken to her lawyers but since Jeremy had said sorry, they'd take it no further. The questioner on PM was quite kind, but even under that light questioning it sounded like the "advice from the lawyers" to the union was "don't you think you're being a bit silly?"

So to summarise Jeremy Clarkson acted like an idiot and the unions jumped up and down making a fuss and attracting attention to themselves. Jeremy Clarkson - a man known for saying ludicrously right-wing things in an "ironic" manner - was invited on a programme on the day of a strike, and said something right-wing and ludicrous intended to be ironic. And was deliberately misunderstood for political effect.

Strikes me we didn't learn much here. I wonder what would have happened if it had been Jimmy Carr saying it?

What Would Jesus Do?

On the basis of the last few days' news, he'd campaign against capitalism while drinking Coca-Cola and Starbucks. Make sure he got his pension lined up nicely, get the Guard to throw himself out of the Temple, accept a nice donation from the money-changers and then resign in protest at his own behaviour.
Very malleable, that Man from Nazareth.

Retro Choruses Week - "When the Music Fades"

We've a really great arrangement for "When the Music Fades".

We're going to start it with just a bass note, and the voices picking up the first line.

We'll do the first verse like that, then when we get to "I'm coming back to the heart of worship" we'll go for a nice three-part harmony.

Then back to the verse - but this time come in with a drum break, the electric guitar fills in some lead riffs. Maybe some nice synth strings to accentuate how this isn't about the music.

Third verse - Gospel Choir, full string section and maybe - maybe just  three or four members of the horn section? Just tasteful, you know. Then crescendo to the end of the third repeat of the chorus - then repeat the chorus. We'll probably just throw the kitchen sink at the arrangement at this point. I'm not sure how we're going to fit all the timpani in, but it's gonna be worth it. And the marching brass band. That's going to be brilliant.

Then we do the "Mistletoe and Wine", as we call it. Drop out all the music, all the voices. Just one choirboy, singing "I'm coming back to the heart of worship - and it's all about you. All about you."

It's gonna be an awesome arrangement. I reckon Matt Redman would be proud.

England

And what a fine morning it is! The overcast sky, threat of rain and wind pummelling the immemorial leylandii reminding us that - thought bright sunshine endures for a night - in England rain cometh in the morning.

Today the outbreak of more English weather reminds us of those great Englishmen who have contributed so greatly to our culture. People like Cliff Richard, George Handel, Oscar Wilde, Rudyard Kipling, Lucien Freud, St Anselm, Kevin Pietersen,  TS Eliot and Spike Milligan. I tell you, it makes me proud to be English.

Sports News - Hell Freezes Over

I'd like to thank "Anonymous*" for telling me about the Premiership's plans to enforce respect for referees by players and managers.

In other news, Goose that laid the golden eggs shot. Moon identified to possess short visible-spectrum wavelength. Bear's sanitary convenience found in shopping mall. Asylum manager found to be sane. Turns out my uncle's name is Brian, not Bob. Banks donate money "for the good of the country, for little children and the old and sick". Numerous people found "struck pink", unexpectedly living in Den Hague or sitting at the foot of their stairs.

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*Nice name, "Anonymous". Although not one we see much at Naming Ceremonies with Ritual Blessings.

Celebration of Rab Burns

"But mark the Rustic, haggis fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' heads will sned,
Like taps o' thrissle."

What's not to like about St Rab o' Burns? A fantastic supper tonight. The haggis piped in (we used a CD - although technically we do have bagpipes in the Beaker ensemble, they have been banned under the Geneva Convention the way Elsmir plays them). A drap o' a dram. And much singing of "Rose of Scotland".

Wee, sleeket, cowran, tim'rous beastie,
O, what panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
Wi' bickering brattle!
I wad be laith to rin an' chase thee,
Wi' murd'ring pattle!

Of course, what we had forgotten was that two members of our Community are in fact Scotchpeople. I refer, of course, to Hamish and Morag. They insisted, throughout, on telling us that in Scotland they don't really celebrate Burns's night the way we did, that it's more of an excuse for a drink than the religious festival we turned it into. They said they don't normally eat porridge as a starter at supper, and that the Procession of the Leprechauns was out of place. They did explain why but, to be honest, I don't really understand what they're saying that often. Maybe it was our ginger wigs that upset them.

In any case, we felt that they were spoiling the atmosphere a bit. We wanted to celebrate the Caledonian strangeness of it all - to enjoy our thoughts of sandy-haired caber-tossing chaps called Angus striding through the heather and playing "hide the sporran", or whatever they do in the Northern Isles. We wanted Columba and Ninian and St Mungo aka Jerry. We didn't want a pair of know-it-alls making everything so prosaic.

So I'm afraid we moved them to sit in their own private room to eat their dinner. But we did make sure it was traditionally Scottish. Deep-fried pizza with battered Mars Bar for dessert. All washed down with a lovely cheap can of extra-strong lager.  We made sure they didn't have any sport on telly, as being Scottish they'd be bound to be losing, and we didn't want to wreck their big night.

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This liturgy was brought to you by the Stereotypes Commission (ex-proprieter, Andy Gray). If you have any complaints please can you email them in. If you leave a message on the answerphone I can't understand them.

Thanksgiving

First of all, I'd like to thank Bernie for serving up such a fantastic Thanksgiving Dinner for us. As a community we are happy to embrace people of all cultures and none. And who would have thought we had so much pumpkin left over from Halloween?.

And normally on this day we give thanks for all the people without a sense of irony having left these shores in the 17th century.

But this year, our thanksgiving was constrained by the evidence from a number of directions that Good King Charles's Dad, the Martyr, didn't scare them all off.

So today we remembered all the people with no sense of humour that still populate this green and pleasant land. And we started to build a little boat that we like to call "Mayflower II". I'm sure you can all think of someone you'd like to put in it.

And in these humourless times, I would like to make it quite clear that if you're an American, we're not necessarily saying you're all without a sense of irony. While reflecting that, if you're the kind of American that has a sense of irony, you'll know that already.

Enough already. I'm off to go through Harriet Harman's Little Book of Terms you Shouldn't Use. I notice that "ginger" isn't in there, though. Who would have thought?

And to say a little prayer that, when Sarah Palin becomes president, somebody else is actually looking after the missiles.



Sarah Palin available through Wikimedia Commons - t toes.

No place for literalists

Don't  get me wrong, it's not that I'm feeling hurt, in any way.

But I've noticed a tendency for people to caveat their recommendations of the blogs of the Husborne Crawley fellowship.

I guess the rot started a way back, when David Keen's blog of blessed memory made the caveat that he hoped this wasn't a serious neo-pagan fellowship. Then I noticed that Catriona always puts the word "satire" against links to the Beaker Folk, as a warning to the unwary. And now Gurdur has suggested that this blog "is not for those who are literalists, or who insist upon ah, ah, ah, muggle-like narrative".

I don't know, you struggle to keep the community on the straight and narrow, clamp down on gnarling, try to keep the Gibbon Moon folk from going insane at the New Moon and what happens? People put black-and-yellow tape round your blog and try to ensure you don't mislead the gullible. Well, I suppose it's not that bad an idea... 

Anyone else see the irony in this?

    

Temperance, Michigan arrived from google.com on "Beaker Folk of Husborne Crawley: Swine Flu and Drinking Alcohol" by searching for drink alcohol kill flu.