An Auspicious Day

Nine years ago today the pop group Girls Aloud was formed on the Reality TV talent show Popstars: The Rivals.

And I think that has something really important to tell us. And that important thing is that, though fame is of but a day, and all flesh is but grass, though a thousand ages in God's sight are as just an evening, and though the silver cord is broken, the chain is snapped and though much water has flowed under the bridge, there are no grapes on the vine and all the flowers have gone - though where to, nobody knows - despite all this, the Rubbishy Reality TV Talent Show format is like unto the hills that were formed from age to age.

I was - as men count it - young when Girls Aloud were formed. And now in the reckoning of men I am as those that need "a little work doing". But rubbishy TV and its manufactured moppets abide forever. 

And if you're interested, all the flowers had gone to San Francisco, so hippies could wear them in their hair. But where have all the hippies gone, long time passin'?

Dr Who and the Celtic Twilight

A land of mists and magic.

A time of talking dragons.

A land where the government oppresses the members of a religion - and yet the rulers never seem to have any religion of their own - despite the mists and magic, the dragons and the other religion. So the BBC can cleverly have a pop at Christian intolerance without naming it.

A 5th Century where the dominant mode of discourse is post-modern irony.

A Camelot where the enemy is the Celt not the English.

Don't die, Doctor! Please don't leave us! Though you were impossible, too clever by half, over-wrought, over-complex, over budget, and totally wasted the Cyberpeople (why "men"? Where's the equal opportunties for people who through no fault of their own have been converted into androids with no emotions?) And though - despite the money and the hype and the CGI (or maybe because of it) you were terribly, terribly lazy....

Don't do it, Doctor! Don't leave us to Merlin.....

Aaaaaaaaagh!

Quick TV Programme Joke

Good news. Digging around in the contents of an old Apple Mac, Young Keith has discovered a lost script from Douglas Adams. In this proposed TV series, a cook from Barrow in Furness discovers that his friend is from a far-away place populated by odd creatures who speak with an incomprehensible language. Sunderland. It was going to be called the Hairy Bikers' Guide to the Galaxy.

The new format for Big Brother

Every day the tabloids cover the goings-on of people we've never heard of in the Big Brother House.

Every evening the readers of those tabloids wonder where Channel 5 is.

Given this year's collection of celebrities, however, I'm very excited. The only way the concept could get any better would be if you switched off all the cameras and microphones in the house. And shut down Channel 5. And never allowed the celebrities out, ever. Just kept giving them food and pointless tasks. And then, in 100 years or so, encased the House in cement.

A very rude man

I was busy watching the television just now. I'm very keen to see if I can spot Hnaef at Lords. Although trying to pick out a posh bloke in a blazer and silly hat is proving more difficult than I was expecting.

And then the phone rang. Now I don't know what the custom is in your parts, but round here we tend to answer the phone when it rings. And a voice at the other end informed me that he wasn't trying to sell me anything.

Which was a good start. I hate it when people try to sell me things. But naturally when he asked me how I received my television signal, I presumed he was asking for a proper explanation, so I told him about how information can be transmitted through the modulation of radio waves. I was just getting onto an explanation of the whole concept of an electromagnetic spectrum, when he butted in and asked was I a home owner, private tenant or council house occupant. So I assured him that yes, I was.

It's always nice when someone takes an interest and doesn't want to sell you anything. So you can imagine my disappointment when at this point he hung up on me. How rude. And I thought he was being so friendly.

Coronation Street "not a gay place"

Anglican Mainstream reports that Coronation St actors (unnamed) and one former actor(named) are unhappy with the number of gay plotlines. I have to say I don't watch it so I'm trusting my sources here. And I'm not sure what they mean by "gay storylines". Are these plotlines that are exclusively related to gay issues, or are they plotlines that happen to involve gay people?

Apparently there are two lesbians, four homosexual men and a transexual. And this does seem completely un-realistic. After all, If this really were the demographic of a small working-class street, at the very least you'd expect more variety in the shops, and soaring property prices. Come on, Corrie, get your act together! Surely there ought to be a decent wine bar opening, if nothing else.