BBC NUJ strikes - those programme improvements in full

"Today" programme - replaced by I'm sorry I haven't a clue

5 Live breakfast - replaced by I'm sorry I haven't a clue


5 Live phone-in - replaced by an infinite number of monkeys, armed with typewriters, with more chance of finding the answers to the issues of the day.

5 Live Drive - replaced by reruns of Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy


Radio 4 "PM" programme - replaced by I'm, sorry I haven't a clue

From Our Own Correspondent - replaced by Just a Minute. Forever.

Any Answers - replaced by a bloke just saying "no" repeatedly.

BBC News Channel - replaced by the 1981 Ashes series.


Newsnight - ironically replaced by 1970s episodes of University Challenge, hosted by Bamber Gascoigne

BBC 1 News - replaced by the Moomins.

NUJ strike

Not wanting to be controversial.

But I heard Radio 5 this morning during the Breakfast show. Without Mr Campbell or Ms Fogarty. And it was much better. Not that Nicky and Sheila aren't consummate professionals, but I got the news without chat, flirting or references to "Edelweiss".

Then this evening, again at drive time. Radio 4 just broadcast the news, devoid of left-wing bias. And where we would have had hours of further left-wing analysis, we had something quite funny with Clive Anderson.  And again on 5 Live, where normally Peter is amusing and posh, we just mostly had news and stuff.  

So this may be unrepresentative, but if the NUJ want to extend their strike beyond 48 hours, I'll be standing right behind them.

Cross Incontinents

I don't often tune into the BBC. It strikes me as a liberal, anti-Christian and generally aggressively secular organisation, dedicated to all that was worst about the so-called "New" Labour.

But on this occasion I was looking for a weather forecast. and I heard a trailer for a programme called "Cross Incontinents".

Now, don't get me wrong here. I know that people suffering from this affliction are as entitled to a hearing as anyone else. And while I do not necessarily agree with the BBC's all-inclusive liberal agenda, on this occasion I'm happy to applaud it.

But surely getting these people into a studio and making them broadcast while cross is going to be terribly counter-productive? I can't see how they could ever hope to get to the end of a sentence before having to be excused. Bad one, BBC! Give the afflicted a break.

Radio Husborne Crawley

Yet another great idea from Drayton to reach the "youth" with our message.  Radio Husborne Crawley is going to really fly, I can tell.  His aim is to make the relevance, hip-ness and urban street-ness of the  Beaker message really clear to the youth of Husborne Crawley.  So if anyone can help out in the area of decently new groovy music we'll be really pleased.  Currently we've got Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky" and the Airplane's "White Rabbit".  If we could only find a new needle for the record player, we'd be hitting the airwaves with some rocking grooves.  But in the meantime, we're restricted to Drayton's "Thought for the Day" and "I'm Sorry I haven't a tea-light".