Saturday, 25 January 2014

Zebedee Gets it in the Neck

The men are overdue home, and there's no sign.

Mrs Zebedee's starting to worry.  A bit odd - they weren't meant to be going out today. Wary of the weather portents, they'd said they'd be carrying out maintenance - net mending, bit of grease on the rowlocks, putting a few nails in.

But she's waited long enough, and dinner - fish, natch - is gonna be ready soon. So she leaves the servant by the hearth (for the Zebedees, after all, are business people) and wanders down to the lake.

There's the boat. There's some nets, in various states of repair. There's Zebedee himself, sat in the back of the boat with Jonah. No sign of the lads. The old blokes are sharing a drop of red, while Jonah complains loudly that, because of his name, nobody had ever let him go to sea.

Jonah's wife is on the scene, as well, now. Demanding to know where Peter and Andrew are. Peter, she seems to be implying, is all very well going off in the hot sun - but Andrew? You know how sensitive his skin is. He burns very easily.

Zeb and Jonah look up, stagger to their feet. Try to explain. You know how, previously, their young men had got caught up in the excitement around John the Baptist? How they'd gone a bit apocalyptic? How James, always the impulsive one, had to be banned from eating any more locusts and honey after they'd had to condemn the old privy and dig another one?

Yes, says Zeb's wife. What of it?

And you know how they'd met a bloke called Jesus, and said they'd keep in touch?

Yes, says Jonah's wife. Thankful  that John had got arrested, and they'd all got away alive. Though she could have done without Jesus renting a house up the road. Total troublemaking bad influence, with his living a quiet lifestyle, praying and fasting and going on about how great his dad was.

Well. That Jesus. He just turned up. Went up to the lads. Said follow me.

And they left? Without wondering how their fathers were going to replace their cheap labour? Without worrying about their mums? Without a word?

Oh no, says Zebedee, they left a note. He hands it over.

It's very short, and to the point. It just says one thing.

"Gone fishing,"


  1. Good one, Eileen! Keep 'em comin'
    Bruvver Jamie of Olym

  2. I've always thought that Zebedee was the victim in this story, now I can see that it was Jonah all along :(


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