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Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Unicorn Critical Mass

It had to happen. Every member of "Little Pebbles" demanded their parents buy them a plush 3' tall unicorn.

And, as it is written that pester power shall always triumph, they headed to the Beaker Bazaar and shelled out their 90 quids to buy the mythological soft toys.

And they headed into the Moot House, to join the unicorns of assorted gender, and binary or non-binary self-identification, pan-sexual, same-sexual and asexual as the choice moved them. Many of them just identified as "unicorns".

So many unicorns, indeed, that the Moot House filled with unicorns. No space for anything but unicorns. None of us could get in there. The Moot House was full of plushness. Where, we wondered, could we go from here? How could the Moot House be more unicorn or plusher?

And then Maygray wandered down the Corridor of Uncertainty into the Moot House door, and shoved one more unicorn into the mix. Just one more plush unicorn.

What could possibly happen?

Monday, 24 October 2016

Liturgy for People Who Found Out Who's Died in "Walking Dead"

Archdruid: Who has told the things we have heard?

All: Things no English person should have known until 9pm BST.

Archdruid: Let those who have ears to hear, shut them up.

All: Like the ears of the brazen serpent,

Archdruid: Which will not hearken to the voice of charmers.

All: Charm they ever so wisely.

Archdruid: Let us be like those who have eyes but do not see.

All: Unless they look on Twitter and...

Archdruid: You've done it haven't you?

All: We have seen and now we repent on the ground in dust and ashes.

Archdruid: We have become even like unto the Likely Lads.

All: Those who in the time of our fathers and mothers tried not to hear whether England had won the match.

Archdruid: And Facebook and Twitter and people at work..

All: ....have become to us like Brian Glover.

Archdruid: Tell it not in Alexandria.

All: Proclaim it not in Atlanta.

B52s: We're heading down the Atlanta Highway....

All: Looking for the love getaway.

Archdruid: Get out of it, O B52s of "Rock Lobster" fame. If you'd had appeared in "Walking Dead" you'd have ruined an entire series.

All: Although maybe supplied that vital hint of camp that is so missing among the drabness, grimness, blood and brainless zombies?

B52s: Love Shack, baby, yeah!

All: Love Shack, baby!

Archdruid: Go in peace, to look away from the screen.

All: Lucille, why can't you be true?

Archdruid: It's England 2, Bulgaria Nil.

All: And we know just how those Bulgarians feel.

Your 15 Minutes Start Now

If you can fill your mind with God in 15 minutes, neither your mind nor your God are big enough.

Discerning Gifts

Gifts are distributed to all members of the church. And yesterday  we discerned the special gift of Jezmir.

I'm pleased to announce it's "Stacking the Dishwasher Efficiently."  Not in any of Paul's lists, but then let's fact it, they didn't have dishwashers.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

A Rainbow Unicorn Coalition

It had to happen. To ensure there is no heteronormativity about the Moot House, Alfie and Annie the Unicorns have been supplemented by Sam and Bill the Rainbow Unicorns. Though, to save some money, the people who bought them have refused to say whether they're male unicorns, female ones, or indeed even what pronouns they use. Otherwise they'd have to buy a lot more unicorns.

Drayton Parslow, of course, was deeply disapproving when he heard about this.  Although he's been busy. He wanted to go and picket the Life Drawing class at the Reading Room. Says this is the sort of thing Husborne Crawley has been reduced to. But then he changed his mind at the last minute, in case he met any nude people. Odd, I didn't imagine they'd turn up nude. And I thought it was just meant to be the models, not the artists as well. Drayton says we're becoming more like the Cities of the Plain every day. I presume he means Sodom and Gomorrah, not Luton and Stansted.

Born of a Virgin

Thanks to Bertrick for introducing us to a new Hillsong credal hymn today. I wonder a bit though...

Our Father everlasting
The all creating One God Almighty
Through Your Holy Spirit
Conceiving Christ the Son
Jesus our Saviour

Is it possible that, through the determined effort to avoid mentioning the source of Jesus's human nature (his mum) this song has descended into grammatical nonsense and a particularly weird kind of heresy? Answers on a CD please. (Hint - I think the word required here was "begetting").

The Changing Colours of LIfe

It's always seemed a bit "them and us", the way services are printed out with normal print for the service leaders and bold for the "All" parts.

That's why we opted for non-status-based liturgy today. We put the words up with the green text for the leader and the red text for the congregation.

I would like to apologise to all the people who have colour blindness. And all the people who identify as colour blind. It must have been very confusing for you all.

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Alfie the Unicorn gets a Mate

Aah.  How sweet was that? Inspired by the presence at the Noah presentation yesterday of Alfie the Unicorn, at this morning's Pouring out of Beakers he was joined by Annie the Unicorn. Nice to know that he may have missed the boat, but he found love. Well done to Irenic and Ranulf for buying Annie for their daughter, little Calculi. We're going to have to order some more plush unicorns for the Beaker Bazaar!

Friday, 21 October 2016

Alfie the Unicorn Misses the Ark

What a lovely children's service we had today. Would especially like to say the portrayal of the story of Noah was charming.

Poor little Alfie the Unicorn-  forgot what day the Flood was, and left behind at the end as the Ark sailed off. Not a dry eye   I'm not sure if the Genesis account does include Alfie's bodily assumption into heaven. But if it doesn't, it ought to. I'm sure the Pope could sort something out.

And of course it was important that, just as the waves lapped at Alfie's feet, God intervened like that. Because it reinforced the message that there is always a happy ending, because we're worth it.

And Alfie was a real winner with the kids. A three-foot tall, plush unicorn with a winning look.  Makes you wonder how Noah could ever forget such a sweety.