Thursday, 17 January 2013

50 Ways to Leave Your Church

There are really good reasons why people leave church fellowships. I understand that. It's a hurtful process. Sometimes there are people hurt on just one side. Sometimes both sides. Sometimes there's pride involved - sometimes prayers, sometimes anger. Sometimes a deep, prayerful, conviction that this route is right. It can even involve the loss of a livelihood. Healing can take years - if it ever happens.
But we can leave that to one side for now, I hope. This is a Paul Simon tribute list.
1. Don't make a fuss, Gus.
2. Blame it on heresy, Chrissie.
3. Say it's not on, John.
4. Can't take the incense, Clarence.
5. Sermon's too short, Mort.
6. Go out the door, Gore.
7. Swim the Tiber, Ivor. (Yes, I'm sorry)
8. The worship's too high, Si.
9. The bishops are all blokes, folks.
10. Say you've been led, Jed.
11. Don't tarry, Gary.
12. Join the Baptists down the lane, Jane.
13. Become a pagan, Hadyn.
14. Get into lace, Grace.
15. Believe in Adam and Eve, Niamh.
16. Don't say "sorry", Morrie.
17. Fancy the wrong fella, Della.
18. Don't be so square, Claire.
19. Say it's just wrong, Yvonne.
20. Say there's no malice, Alice.
21. Just hear the call, Paul.
22. You're just not growing, Owen.
23.  Communion daily, Kayleigh.
24. Grab your mantilla, Stella.
25. Get out the pew, Hugh.
26. Walk down the aisle, Kyle.
27. Fall out with the rector, Hector.
28. Worship more highly, Kylie.
29. Get into mission, Titian.
30. You're just bored, Claude.
31. Time to go, Flo.
32. Want marriage justice, Eustace.
33. Prefer Geneva, Eva.
34. Follow the Pope, Hope.
35. Take all the blame, Graeme.
36. Read the pre-Reformation canon, Shannon.
37. They're just too cliquey, Ricky.
38. Don't act too merry, Kerry.
39. Say it's the Wardens' fault, Walt.
40. Blame the guitars, Lars.
41. You're getting nothing back, Mac.
42. Don't demur, Fleur.
43. Believe in Darwin not Calvin, Melvin.
44. Become a Unitarian, Simeon.
45. Get caught out on the raz, Chas.
46. Object to the organ, Morgan.
47. Need to be brave, Maeve.
48. Off in a huff, Brough.
49. It's not your choice, Joyce.
50. Climb up the candle, Randle.

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