Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Are you a Celtic Christian? The Self-Diagnosis Guide

Let's face it, it's a debilitating life-style. But many people who think they may be secretly Celtic are trying to pretend to themselves that they're not. So here are the ten questions that give away your secret Celtic-ness. If you can answer "yes" to six or more of these questions, you should probably think about a religion with a bit more doctrine in it.

1. Has the organ in your church been replaced with a stone cairn and a pile of seaweed?

2. Despite working in the City and living in Croydon, do your prayers often refer to "sister Moon" and "the  wind blowing o'er the heather"?

3. Does the road always rise up to meet you on the way to Church?

4. Have you ever accidentally (or deliberately, for that matter) chosen an Enya track as one of the songs for Sunday worship?

5. Do you ever find yourself praying while up to your neck in the North Sea, while a sparrow nests in your ginger beard?*

6. Do you find yourself listening to "The Old Rugged Cross" and thinking "a bit of jig music between verses would cheer it up a treat"?

7. If you hear "Be Thou My Vision" in 3/4, do you fall over while trying to clap along because it's like walking down one more stair than is actually there?

8. Do you have the weekly urge to bash a bodhran over a bodhran-player's shaggy-locked head?

9. When you ask yourself "what would Jesus do?" do you suspect the answer is, "support Celtic and enjoy the craic with Andrew and Peter?"

10. Do you have more friends called Kevin that is strictly necessary?

* Beard strictly optional.


  1. Oh dear, I've been rumbled! Question 2 - sadly, yes. Don't live in Croydon but not a million miles away. Please don't blow out my tea-light, Archdruid!

  2. 3 and 7, yes. Oh the shame!


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