Friday, 10 January 2014

Pharisees Condemn Revised Baptism Liturgy

John the Baptist has come under fire for his "experimental" use of a new baptism liturgy.

Leading Pharisee Caiaphas said, "it's just dumbing-down. Under the old liturgy, John would demand “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?" And then we had to repent before baptism.

But under the liturgy he used for Jesus of Nazareth, he merely said 'I need to be baptised by you, and do you come to me?' To which Jesus just responded, 'Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfil all righteousness'

"Where is the threat of Hell in that? Where is the bare-faced abuse we all had to suffer?"

In response to the complaints, John said "This was strictly a one-off. In future, I'm going to revert to the original wording. Now get out of here, you brood of vipers."

Jesus himself was not available for comment, having gone on a 6-week stay in the desert.  When asked why he had dispensed with one of the most important parts of the liturgy, one of his disciples said that Jesus didn't consider he had anything to apologise for.


  1. Caiaphas has become a Pharisee! There's a big story there - was he sneaking off to Damascus or somewhere?

    1. Nah, you must be thinking about some other Caiaphas.

    2. Oh right, that Caiaphas. Of course!


Drop a thoughtful pebble in the comments bowl