Leader: Peace be with you.
All: And also with you.
Leader: Oh no! Look out! A lion!
All: Where? Where? Oh, you...
Oh my soul, how many are the scams
What multitude of fake stories in the press
The Internet is full of lies
And the Twitters are full of untruths.
And yet, my soul, remember that this is no different to any other day
That falsehoods about politicians are passed on as fact
That satirical articles are passed on without context
That people have even prayed for Archdruid Eileen's soul
Thinking we are a real community.
You can't trust anyone.
And so shall I sit on the floor in dust
Refusing to believe anything anyone tells me
I shall keep my ears clean
And listen to no-one.
Reading: 1 Corinthians 4:10
Psalm: The whole of number 119
Leader: And now as a special treat we're giving Zac Goldsmith 3 hours to come up with any reason - however tenuous - that we should trust him with London's transport policy. Mr Goldsmith has kindly come all the way in a massive car....
All: Yeah, pull the other one.... Oh - Zac Goldsmith! Run!
The congregation discovers that all exits are locked.
Leader: April Fools! See you in 3 hours! (Escapes through secret trapdoor)