Saturday, 30 April 2016

Beltane Instructions

Could all Beaker Folk make themselves aware of the following instructions this May Eve. Please do not refer to the "Wicker Man". It is a "Wicker Person." After the time a Wicker Person fell over, we have a new range of fireproof hi vis jackets available in the Beaker Bazaar. Please ensure you buy one, at the very reasonable price of £10 each or 6 for £50. The Wicker Person, being built out of split pallet wood, still contains a number of nails. Try to avoid catching your fireproof hi vis on them. This renders the guarantee void. The Wicker Person will be ignited at midnight precisely. The Official Lighter will be chosen at 11.30 by raffle. The Bucket-of-Water-Bearer this year will be Hnaef. In the light of last year's experience the Person who Puts out the Bucket-of-Water-Bearer will be Daphne. In other news, tomorrow marks the opening of the Flying Spaghetti Monster season. Anybody who obtains a licence is allowed to shoot up to three FSMs. Anybody who puts a colander on their head and claims to be a "Pastafarian" is a dork.


  1. Am I correct in thinking that the Flying Spaghetti Monster Season lasts until International Talk Like A Pirate Day?


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