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Sunday, 29 July 2018

A Clerical Invention Looking for In-vestment

Life's not always easy for Young Keith. In his role of Assistant Deputy Executive Druid, he is always kept busy hoovering up glitter and cleaning up the Children's Area. While in his other role as Charlii's husband and father of their children, he is kept busy hoovering up glitter and mopping up milk vomit. And nobody ever asks him how he copes with both jobs, saving that particular question for Charlii. And then again, everyone still calls him Young Keith when he's now in his thirties.

So with such a busy life, he has realised he needs to get back to his hobby of creating unusual - indeed, some would say unnecessary - inventions for liturgical use. But he seems to be onto a winner here. In fact, we're hoping he might be able to get the Church Commisioners to provide some funding.

Keith is inventing a range of machines that will automatically put vestments onto Anglican clergy. It will, he says, be a godsend to those ministers that really don't want other vestry-dwellers fussing round them and adjusting their albs, balancing up their stoles, and generally making unwanted contact with them. A wardrobe-sized, humidity-controlled contraption that keeps the robes in perfect condition, the minister only has to stand on the right spot, and be beautifully accoutred in the correct liturgical colour for the day.

Obviously there's a lot of different formats of garment. And he's not rolling out the chasuble module until he's corrected the flaw that took the head off the department store dummy he used in testing. But he's managed to perfect the system for putting on the robes that are open at the front, and can automatically fasten up the  clasp for the wearer.

So as I say, I'm really happy for Keith. He's got a busy, stressful life. But he's developed a coping mechanism.


Want to support this blog?
Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

2 comments :

  1. Wondering how this will go down with Anglo Catholic Priests, whose garb for liturgy is quite complicated. Will it be able to cope with the Amice for instance?

    This could get very messy.

    ReplyDelete

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