Wednesday, 4 February 2026

God Loves a tidy Toilet alarm cord

Is the alarm cord in your church toilet dragging on the ground?
This can be a hazard. The cord could pick up germs,  that could easily be passed on to someone lying face down on the ground. Or someone could stand on the toggle. And who wants to summon help with a dirty alarm cord toggle?

Obviously, the simple way to deal with this is to tie it up, so the cord is shortened. But, while this will make life tidy and hygienic, someone who has fallen to the floor might still be able to reach the cord with a certain amount of effort.

That's why I always wrap the cord several times around the toilet grab handles. Ensuring that, if you should be unfortunate enough to pass out or topple over onto the floor due to the toilet roll being unexpectedly at calf height, you will have some mental challenge to keep you occupied while help arrives. Or, indeed, before it is even summoned.

If you can ensure the toggles are  partly obscured by rolls of toilet paper and by plumbing, so much the better! That's not going to be pulled out in a hurry.

Keep your emergency cords tidy. God loves a tidy church toilet.

Sunday, 1 February 2026

Revenge of the AI GriefSexBot

So this is awkward. 

Brenzil was so upset when Miamh went. He was inconsolable.

And then he heard about the GriefBots. And we tried to talk him out of it. We told him it wasn't really Miamh. It didn't have real thoughts, or real feelings for him. It was just 20 years of Miamh's Facebook posts, and all the photos of her from their holidays together, uploaded into a Large Language Model.

But he said it gave him comfort.

But he was still lonely. Because it wasn't really Miamh. And, you know, it was just a text prompt going "shall we have spag bol tonight?" over and over, just like Miamh did.

And then he heard about Sex Robots.  I hasten to add I've picked the link very carefully here.

Anyway, despite us all telling him it was a bad idea, he combined the two.

We didn't see him for a month.

Anyway, Miamh's back now.

Oh, you thought I meant.... 

No, she wasn't dead. She'd just gone to nurse her mum after her op.

Anyway, Miamh is not amused.

And neither is the GriefSexBot, apparently. She's suing for half his savings and the Qashqai.

I don't know what the moral of all this is. Apart from don't develop GriefSexBots. Especially not based on people who are still alive. Or, possibly, if your life partner goes off to nurse their parent, change the locks. But on the whole, probably the first one.