Collect for the Bicentenary of the Death of Jane Austen

God, who first set Jane Austen to work in what was thought to be a man's field: park, we pray, all our pride and prejudice, and so set our minds that we may in all places - whether South or North, hangar, abbey, dress shop, wood house or wherever we may work, use both sense and sensibility in the persuasion of all peoples to be as witty as Jane Austen, as clever as her heroines  (except Fanny Price - she's a drip) and as honourable as Mr Darcy. Not the one in Bridget Jones. The real one.

Amen

Gallifreyan Synod Report

The motion that the Doctor should be able to be a female (or vice versa) was passed on an electronic vote by houses. Two-thirds majorities were achieved in each house of the Gallifreyan Synod.

It was recommended that, if the Doctor should be able to transition from male to female, a liturgy should be available. The Supreme Council to be asked to consider whether a liturgy should be provided. Something ironic about more radical changes to the Doctor's anatomy than normal would be suitable.

Some complaints were raised that not enough theology was done before agreeing the Doctor could be female. It was suggested that the issue be kicked into the long grass for a few years in order for the subject to be discussed in more detail. Perhaps by letting Richard Ayoade be Doctor for a while.

The Gallifreyan Anti Feminisation Convention has announced that they will appoint a male Flying Doctor. Who will, by definition, be Australian.

The Daily Male has said that it's not the appointment of a female Doctor. It's more that now is not the right time. He doesn't know what the right time is. But it's not now.

On a Male Doctor

Apparently the TV Series "Doctor Who" has appointed a new Doctor, Jodie Whittaker, who is a woman.

I of course stopped watching the series when it became clear that the writers, entire cast, all the characters and most of the aliens were gay. Indeed some of the aliens were of no obvious gender at all. The so-called "Cybermen", for instance, would be more accurately described as "Cyber-eunuchs", they having no genitalia and therefore, for this reason alone, would be unacceptable in the Old Testament Temple. In the new dispensation, they might be accepted - they are emotionless androids who want everyone to be like them, but then nobody is perfect to start with. And they might fit into some church congregations I know on that basis. Or, indeed, become pastors.

However now the worst of all things has happened. It has been announced that the new Doctor will in fact be a woman!

We have to consider the sheer failure of imagination involved in this. If the Doctor is a woman, how can she represent all of us? She will always be a woman-alien, and I cannot see how she will be saving the world on my behalf in that chromosomal configuration. No, the world she saves will be for women only.

Unable to enter the Assembly of the Lord (Deut 23:1)

And let us consider that a woman is wholly unsuited to the demands of space travel. Emotionally unstable, she will be liable to wipe out entire civilisations just because she can. Like the War Doctor did. But because it is her week when she is liable to irrational behaviour - not because destroying the Time Lords and Daleks in a massive conflagration is the right, considered thing to do.

And that very title leads onto the next problem. I suppose the next thing that will happen is that the BBC will be renaming the Time Lords to be the Time Ladies. The next thing you know, there will be a female Master. And imagine the damage that could be caused by an evil genius alien who is also capable of wrapping impressionable males round her little finger. Honestly, how can the males of the universe be safe in these circumstances?

Dedicated Whovians react to the announcement

Make no mistake. I have not watched this so-called entertainment for years.  And from now on, I am not going to be watching it again. Until the BBC reinstates a straight, male doctor with a straight, much younger, female assistant in a Biblical but slightly unnerving relationship, I will not reconsider.

---

Note: I showed Eileen an early draft of this post, and she started to laugh at the title and could not be made to stop, charm I never so wisely. I still cannot see what she finds so funny. I think the strains of her role - female as she is - may be getting to her. Maybe she should let a man do her job.

Cybermen: (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=41760618

Fields of Gold

Still suffering the fallout from this morning's "Seeds and Sower Service".

You're gonna reap what you sow

Gladwell had such a creative idea to recreate the parable of the seed and sower, in a real field. Maybe doing it in the style of Theresa May, and tearing through a field of nearly-ripe barley, was not her greatest idea however. Especially followed by 50 Beaker Folk, all skipping through the crop while shouting "we want to be those seeds for you, Lord!"

The sound of a shotgun being unleashed above their heads in its turn sowed quite a lot of panic. Quite a lot of stubbed toes and nettle scratches as they panicked and ran through the hedge and into the brook.

We're now having a special collection to repay a few hundred pounds worth of crop damage. Though Charlii is taking a certain amount of grim amusement from applying TCP to wounds. The parable seems to be, if you skip through somebody else's crops, you will pay a heavy reckoning. 

Feast of Saint Swithun

Hnaef: Was that a drop?

Daphne: No, don't think so. Oh what's that?

All: A rain drop?

Celestine: Wain dwop!

All: Aaah. Sweet.

Charlii: No, not a wain dwop.

Young Keith: Oh! What was that on my back?

Charlii: Let's just say the pigeon was glad to get rid of it.

Young Keith: Nnnng.

Archdruid: OK. What's going on.

All: Checking for rain! For if it's wet today it will rain for...

Charlii: Forty days.

Daphne: Thirty days?

Hnaef: I think you will find it says in the original Anglo-Saxon....

Archdruid: You do, Beowulf Boy, and I'll turn the riot hose on you.

All: But what's the problem?

Archdruid: It's unscientific, silly legend. And I'd planned to take next week off. And I don't want to know it's gonna rain all week.

Hnaef: Well, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.

Archdruid: Hang on, what was that? I felt a drop....

Celebrity Theology

Someone I hadn't heard of apparently approved of equal marriage.

And now he doesn't.

I don't care whether a celebrity Christian (who I'd never heard of till yesterday) believes in equal marriage, or has changed his mind. Because it doesn't matter. If I made my mind up based on what celebrities said I'd change my name to Kardashian and have been eating Steve Cram's favourite breakfast cereal since 1986.

Sure, listen to other people. Sure, weigh their views. But never care what famous people think, just because they're famous. You'll find another famous person to think they're wrong. And they're probably both wrong anyway.

You've got a mind. Use it. And don't just use it because I say so.

Even if I am right.

Liturgy of No British People Being Left in Wimbledon Singles

Archdruid: Well, they're all out.

All: Even the Scottish one?

Archdruid: Yep.

All: And the Australian one?

Archdruid: Yep. She's out as well.

Nigel Farage: Would never have been in, if I'd had my way.

Archdruid: You here again?

NF: Rather! Under my rules, a Brit would win Wimbledon every year. A proper Brit, from a British background, born in Britain.

Archdruid: Get out.

NF: That's normally my line.

Nathan Hits Twitter

Hot on the heels of the news that the "OurCofE" account is taking a break, Revd Nathan of Great Tremlett has set up his own account.

Revelations so far are that he doesn't believe in God, and he lives on Hula Hoops. @NotTheCofE. Telling it as it is.

Facebook Theme of the Day

Sunday: Kittens

Monday: Hoax hackers

Tuesday: Food scares

Wednesday: Petitions

Thursday: Love Island

Friday: Shots and cocktails

Saturday: Hangover Cures

Cut and Paste: Do not Share

Reading Sally's comments on the Jayden K Smith friendship request hoax. And I have to say I don't agree with Sally. This is not an uncommon experience, and there's no hard feelings. I don't think we agree on most things, so that's fine.

Sally's take on people sharing this sort of scare is that it comes down to vulnerability. The fear that someone could steal one's Facebook account and start "Like"-ing Ed Sheeran, for instance, on our behalf is a very real one, in this day and age. And we should not take it lightly. Frankly, if singing Galway Girl isn't some very real sense a form of treason, it should be. But I digress.

I guess I'm not as kind as Sally. I don't see it as a sign of vulnerability. I see it as a kind of generalised sense of public duty, combined with a certain intellectual laziness. Through 360 and such like petition sights, through the RT'ing of the latest fool that things Jeremy Corbyn is the Messiah, we have grown used to the idea that we can change the world, if there's enough of us, without too much effort.

And so a scare story pops up that Archibold Nemesis, King of the Newt People, should he send you a friend request, will make you a Manchester United fan, hack all your friends and turn them all into newts, and give your wooden leg woodworm. And you feel - well, it could be true. You could check a hoax site, or give it some thought, but that would take effort. Or you could pass it on. The worst that could happen, in one isolated example, is that you've bothered a few friends with an untrue piece of advice. But should that friend request indeed pop through from King Archie, you'll have saved them a lot of embarrassment. So you send it on.

No effort, the instant warm feeling of protecting your friends. Who have received the same warning from 300 other lazy-but-vaguely-kindly people.

And I must add, as the sort of smug get who likes to tell people they're forwarding on spam, there's no fun telling them. I had a friend telling us to write and complain about a blasphemous play coming to England. I did the research (of course). I let him know that the play wasn't planned for England - had played a few years ago and nobody had noticed - and wasn''t even blasphemous. And his response? "Well, I'm glad I passed it on, anyway." And the virus of well-meaning laziness had spread again.

Do us a favour. Next time you get a warning, check. Then hideously embarrass the peson who passed it on in public. Then message all your friends telling them never to accept a friend request from said person, as s/he will only fill their inboxes with spurious messages.

And whatever you do, don't accept a friend request from Archibold Nemesis, King of the Newt People. He's a hacker. And you'll end up as a Man Utd supporting newt.

The Synod Vestments Vote: How the Markets Reacted

As the clergy of the Church of England are allowed not to wear vestments to lead communion services, many of the evangelicals are asking themselves - what are vestments? And a few are wondering what a communion service is.

Meanwhile Alistair McHaffie told Synod that his father seldom left the house without wearing a tie. I'm hoping that's not all he wore. The 60s were a strange time.