The All-Season Snack

 I feel like we've really done it this time. 

I'd been hearing complaints that mince pies are in the supermarkets - even though their "sell by" dates are before Xmas. Which would of course contravene some law in Deuteronomy somewhere. Same every year. In fact, every season.

In the teeth of people moaning that creme eggs, mince pies, and hot cross buns all come out in the stores at the wrong time of year, we were struggling to find a product that could smooth out supply chain fluctuations, while also garnering positive media feedback.

And here we are.

The Mince Cross Egg.

A deep-filled mince pie. Spicy and luxurious like a real mince pie should be. Topped with a spice bun top, marked with a white cross.

And in the middle, a lucious chocolate layer with a creme caramel centre.

The Mince Cross Egg.

Feast or fast, it's the snack that will last. All the way through to the next liturgical year. And without complaints on social media.

Available from the Beaker Bazaar.

Meeting of the Moot Building Committee: Voting Results

 Thanks to everyone who attended this evening's Moot Building Committee meeting. The refurbishment of the Moot House (8 years after it was last rebuilt) is going to be an exciting project, and we want to ensure we get it right for the future.

The results of the voting are as follows:

1. Height of new lighting system bulbs for the Moot House

a) 9' (3m) from the ground, convenient for changing bulbs - 1 vote

b) 15' (5m) from the ground, reachable by a long ladder with extreme care - 2 votes

c) 45' (14m) from the ground, only accessible by scaffolding and/or a new generation of drone that has not yet been invented - 27 votes

2. Location of electrical wiring

a) In trunking at the bottom of the wall, easily accessible if slightly clunky - 1 vote

b) Under a raised "office style" floor, easily accessible and flexible - 0 votes

c) Sunk 6' (2m) deep in the concrete floor   - 30 votes

3. Treatment of the Greensand stone floor of the Moot House, so as best to reflect its unique geological and aesthetic properties

a) A light buffing to bring up its natural colours - 2 votes

b) Overlay with a sheet of transparent acrylic, to protect its surface while still displaying its natural beauty - 4 votes

c) Araldite a 2nd hand synthetic fibre carpet over it - 27 votes

4. New heating system

a) Ground-source heat pump - 0 votes

b) Air-source heat pump - 0 votes

c) Radiant overhead electric heaters that turn bald men's heads red - 12 votes

d) Wood-burning stove fuelled by cast off pews from church reorderings - 26 votes

5. Seating

a) Old fashioned wooden box pews - 6 votes

b) Bean bags -  4 votes

c) Comfy electrically reclining chairs, which take up three times as much space as alternative seating arrangements - 8 votes

d) Plastic chairs that get moved around all the time and make your back sweat - 15 votes

In the light of these decisions, I have concluded that democracy is a mistake and you're all getting what you're given. If anyone wishes to discuss, my new cricket bat arrived from johnlewis.com this morning and it's in serious need of being "knocked in". 

In Livid Memory

Bit odd today at Mirkoslove's funeral.

I thought it was a typo, when the service sheet referred to the "Condemnation" rather than "Commendation".

But then his widow stood up to deliver it.

And maybe the printers got it right.

A Milestone is Reached

An amazing achievement by Melswold, who yesterday made her 100th appearance at a Beaker Tabletop Sale.

Her commitment to fundraising for St Melophilus's Refuge for Damaged Sparrows is unparalleled. While her range of cards featuring sparrows in quirky locations is truly unique.

So congratulations, Melswold. And we look forward to even greater celebrations when you finally sell a card.

Beaker Common Prayer Collect for St John Bunyan's Day

He being a near-neighbour of ours, we are very proud of our John. And so we are proud (but not in a proud way) to share our specially-written Collect for St John Bunyan's Day.

Eternal Maker,
Let lions, foes, and foul fiends never scare us in our pilgrimage
Save us from all hobgoblins,
Take away the fear of being locked up by the Church of England,
Or having to fight giants
While ever saving us from having our lyrics rewritten by Percy Dearmer.

"Outrage" over "Parody" of the "Last Supper"

In news that has caused the manufacturers of scare quotes to work overtime, there has been "alarm" about what has been claimed to be a parody of the "Last Supper".

The tableau that has caused alarm is from a work by the Oxford mathematician, C L Dodgson, whose cover name is "Lewis Carrol".  Although the art itself is by his collaborator, "Sir" John Tenniel.

"I think this is clearly a disgraceful representation of the "Last Supper" by Leonardo da Vinci", said Matthias Victim-Complexe, of the First Church of Cultural Stereotypes. "The dormouse is meant to stand for St John, who is not merely "reclining" but actually falling asleep. The insults include the tea pot representing the Holy Grail. And obviously Alice, pointing vengefully across the table, is Judas.

"To further the insult to a Renaissance work of art - I mean God - two of the characters at the table are traditionally referred to as "mad". And the tag on the Hatter's Hat is a mocking of Mark 10:6, "But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.""

It was suggested to Revd Victim-Complexe that being offended by a picture's resemblance to another picture meant he thought the original Da Vinci work in fact included an accurate representation of God. He was asked why he didn't think he was in fact guilty of idolatry, the breaking of the Second Commandment*. But at this point the pastor gradually faded away, until only his expression of quiet martyrdom remained.

* Protestant counting 

The Silence of the Lammas

Keith: I'd like to thank the Archdruid for letting me lead this special Occasion. As we celebrate the Feast of Lammas Day. 

All: She's behind you!

Keith: And so we remember that the name, Lammas Day, comes from the tradition of slaughtering all the weakling male lambs before winter arrives, so the ewes and the strong rams become...

Archdruid: No, it's called Lammas from the Anglo-Saxon, "Loaf-Mass". A first harvest celebration of the year.

Keith:  Ah..... CHARLII!!!! 

(From outside: *thwok* *thwok* *baah* *thwok*)

Charlii: Yes, Keith?

Keith: Never mind.

NOTICES

Archdruid: After this service, turns out we'll be enjoying a Mongolian Barbecue. If anyone is a vegan or vegetarian, please get a grip, and tuck in. I've made some lovely bread, which will come in more handy than I thought.

The Olympics Opening Ceremony, 2012

I remember the 2012 opening ceremony. 

Being English, I naturally thought it would be an embarrasment. 

I was so wrong. It was so wonderful. It made you happy to belong to this country. In touch with its (decidedly varied) past. Friendly, inclusive, able to make a joke about itself.

I would like particularly to give the credit for the subsequent retreat into a suspicious, mean, cruel, often vicious media environment to the Mayor of London in 2012. A man who put his own brief, ignominious time in power above the good nature of the country. A man who partied while people's grandparents died.

But  one day we will be proud of this place again. In a day when we are once again driven by kindness, love of our landscape, an understanding and a reckoning with our past. And not by fear and hate.

We will get there.

"Be not afeard; the isle is full of noises, Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not."

If Paul Had Lived in the Time of English Village Churches

 After we had torn ourselves from them we journeyed to Kos. However we could not find the church there, as there was a benefice service at Rhodes.

When we got to Rhodes, we only found the people from that city at church. All the people in Kos had just taken the opportunity to have the week off.

So we went on to Ptolemais. And found out they only had a service on the 3rd Sunday, which was "Celtic Evensong". And it was the 2nd Sunday. So we gave up and went to Jerusalem.

I said to Paul, "do you think this is a good way to organise church resources?" But Paul said, "Listen, Luke. I set up these Mission Areas. It's the most efficient way to manage the available priests. And I'm making you Mission Enabler responsible for Troas and lay workers."

A Pressing Matter

So our Messy Holiday club ended up rather messier than expected.

We thought the flower pressing would be a charming activity. A chance to preserve a moment for eternity. Making something beautiful.

But not for some of our Little Pebbles.

They wanted something more exciting. And they nagged and nagged and I presumed they meant leaves or something so I told them to clear off and get on with it.

Have you ever seen a pressed beetle collection? Don't get me wrong. Some of the harlequin ladybirds were quite dramatic. But it's still a bit gruesome, seeing a cockchafer reduced to a blob six inches across and a molecule thick.

I'm just glad we got that badger off them in time.

Through the Curtain

 I'd like to apologise to Margherita. 

You may remember that we have had an increasingly battered tapestry of the Feeding of the Five Thousand hanging on the wall in the Moot House antechapel. It looked past its best, so I thought it was time it went.

Needless to say, the minute I threw it away, Margherita turned up wondering what had happened to her picture. 

And yes, I have broken the rules that say you should only get rid of a "donated" item, however ghastly, once 2 generations of the donor's family have passed away.

And I can only blame poor research. I believed that Margherita wouldn't mind as she was dead.

Turned out she'd just been on holiday in Skegness.

Margherita has been very gracious about the whole thing, and says she could see how I got the two confused.