Saturday, 30 June 2012

An Eyeful After the Trifle

Of course, Drayton's blaming me for all this. But I blame Pidge, one of our regular comments providers.

I thought we'd try to get on a little better with Drayton Parslow's congregation of Funambulist Baptists. After all, some of them might be well off, and in search of a less strict form of worship. One involving tea lights and doilies. With a souvenir shop. So I invited them all round for a quiet evening with a bit of a buffet, and a sing-song afterwards. What could be nicer?

Of course I knew about the Baptists' teetotal ways. But I didn't know about Billy and Bertie Jones's rather remarkable dessert addiction. Charlii didn't know about the teetotalism, but she does now how to make a cracking trifle. I knew about the trifle, but not being a great dessert-eater I didn't know about the sherry. Being life-long teetotallers, the Jones brothers don't have a great tolerance of alcohol. But they doo have a rather literalist view on life.

After tea, I suggested that we sing a few choruses, maybe starting with the song Pidge recommended - "When the Spirit of the Lord is Within my Heart, I will dance as David danced". You could say we'd put in place the conditions for the perfect storm.

Two naked Jones brothers dancing around the Dining Room. I tell you, I didn't know where to look for the best. Our evening ended very shortly after that - and Drayton's church has now banned trifle, and dancing. And over-literalism.


  1. It sounds very much like Shaker dancing described elsewhere or even Jiggling, which is more apt.

    More or less than an eyeful? Poor Drayton, he has a 'lot' to overwhelm him.

  2. You can only take literalism so far and that was far too far. If told that women should be SILENT in church or any other accusation from a literalist, try asking sweetly if the questioner always greets 'the brethren with a holy kiss' You can guarantee he is so homophobic that even a hug would be grounds for a public confession.
    As for alcohol... I knew a lovely old fundamentalist lady who had signed the pledge but was noted for making the most potent of ginger beer.


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