Monday, 25 June 2012

Newly abolished words

In honour of George Orwell's birthday I'm doubleplusunsad to announce the following abolishments of words and phrases, and their replacements. 

"Unhappy" to be replaced with "challenged", "differently inspired" or "fine".

"Dreadful" to be replaced by "Truly meaningful" (as in "that's a truly meaningful worship song you've just written, Agnes".

"When there are women bishops" to be replaced, yet again, by "if there are women bishops".  This may be reversed again on Orwell's 110th birthday.

"Moaning whingers who just look for things to complain about" to be replaced with "loyal members of the fellowship". But you know what we really mean.

"Worship leaders" was replaced last year by "lead worshippers". This year we're gonna lose them both. We're not replacing them with a new word. We're just gonna drive out into Cambridgeshire somewhere and lose them.

"Leadership" to be replaced by "Enablement". Going against the principles of Newspeak, this won't make any difference to how we think and act, but it just feels less patriarchal, don't you think?

"People who are praying for you" to be replaced by "friends".

"We just really" to be abolished, with no replacement.

"Why can't your preaching be more inspiring, like at Spring Harvest?" To be replaced by "why can't the congregation be more inspiring, like at Spring Harvest?"

"Liturgical Dance" to be replaced by "Prancing Around".

"Modern Liturgical Styles" to be replaced by "Hippy Nonsense".

"Sunday School" to be replaced by "Sunday Club" to be replaced by "Younger Church" to be replaced by "That empty room next to the kitchen".

"Finally" to be replaced with "Just twenty minutes to go."


  1. "Humankind" to be replaced by "folk", and "persons" to be similarly replaced - e.g. sidesfolk, chairfolk.

  2. "We would just ask you..." To be replaced with "Ready... Aim... Fire!"

    Our Sunday School has had more names for me to ignore than I can count.

    love Mags B xx

  3. "Family" is now "inter-generational family", and I'm none the wiser if this is meant to include people with grown children, people with no children (but only if they're old enough to be inter-generational with children, the small kind of children I mean), aging adults with at least one even more aged parent still this side of Jordan, or possibly people whose only known living relative is 'I think I have some cousins in Toronto, but I haven't heard from them in years'.

  4. Sigh.
    Let's go back to the Good Old Days, when we used to ask God to "Incline both our hearts" and "Prevent us in all our doings".....


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