Thursday, 7 February 2013

A toothpick-shaped hole

Dear Readers, it's been worrying me awfully.

I have a multi-purpose pen-knife. I hasten to add it is not one of the official multi-purpose pen-knives of the Swiss Army, but it is a multi-purpose tool, incorporating a knife, for all that.

It has a large-ish sized blade, a small-ish blade. A corkscrew, a flat-bladed screwdriver that doubles as a bottle-opener. There is a thing for getting the stones out of horses' hooves. A needle whose use defies the imagination. A hooky-kind of thing. A can-opener that pierces the tops of bottles until you remember it's the can-opener, not the bottle-opener.

And there are two slots - one formerly containing a tooth pick, and one a pair of eyebrow tweezers.

I am unsure where the tooth pick and the tweezers went. My suspicion is that the Archdruid's niece, Alesha, "borrowed" them to (a) replace a Nintendo DS stylus and (b) pluck her eyebrows. I cannot prove this - it is merely a suspicion.

I have never used either the tooth pick nor the tweezers. I never plan to. I have perfectly serviceable teeth and eyebrows, without the need for artificial aids. But nevertheless, I have two slots in my multi-purpose knife that no longer serve their purpose.

I feel like I have two gaps in my life. And no means of resolving the issue. It hurts.


  1. £2.95 toothpick and tweezer pack from - the internet is the work of the devil but it's so damn useful when you have gaps in your life to fill, what a dilemma! ;)

  2. There is truly a website for everything. Burton is happier already.


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