Why a Redhead Cannot be a Priest

I'd normally let it lie. I really would. But it was Mad Priest that started me off. The story from the Catholic News is the line that women cannot be priests because Jesus is male. I'm not going to fisk the article - not least because you normally find that someone's been misquoted, or doesn't exist, or something, and then you just feel all silly. But the line of argument is familiar enough.

Let's just try rearranging the theory slightly, and imagine the Reverend Schwarzkopf, of the Church of the Sun-Resistant Bonces:

"The son of God became flesh, but became flesh not as hairless humanity but as a brunet," Reverend Schwarzkopf said; "and since a priest is supposed to serve as an image of Christ, his dark hair is essential to that role."

"It's important to realise that blonds and red-heads are not excluded from the Church, nor are they second-class. Indeed, because they know they have to be careful in hot sun, they are more likely to sympathise with others in their weakness. In particular, carrot-tops are especially blessed as they are so familiar with persecution. But, if we think in more general terms, their tendency to be hot-headed means it's probably best they have more suitable roles, such as getting stroppy in church meetings."