Sunday, 24 February 2013

Knocking Glum on the Head

That's the trouble with a religious movement that keeps making things up as it goes along. We have no way of measuring things against "normal".

So we've got it with the whole "Lent" thing. Not really understanding the concept of spiritual discipline, people have just been giving up random stuff. I was really worried about Lempster when he said he was giving up water for Lent. And not much less worried when he explained that he didn't count beer as water. We've ordered him not to consider tea as water either, in the hope of scaling down the more irrational behaviour he's been exhibiting this last fortnight.

And then Gorblum is giving up "everything that makes me happy". Which, in Gorblum's case, isn't all bad, to be honest, considering some of the hobbies he pursues that I'd rather not mention. Or, indeed, know about. But his determination simply to be glum every day - and listing all the things he's missing - just seems to be turning into a state of what I can only call wallowing in misery. Lest anyone should think I'm hopelessly wrong in all this, I should stress that Gorblum is quite evidently not in a state of depression. Far from it. I've never know anyone so absolutely delighted to be miserable. I'm thinking it's the grumpiness he spreads in everyone else that makes him so keen to share.

So I'm implementing a "Code 45". As Folk familiar with the Beaker Code will know, a Code 45 is the regulation that demands that all Beaker People adopt shiny, happy faces and a far-away look in their eyes. Everyone is under strict instructions, at all possible opportunities, to count their blessings. They can continue to give stuff up, especially if they're giving the savings to the Community, but from now on they've got to be happy about it - as it it's doing them the spiritual good it's supposed to. Everybody has to look like they've been burning lavender oil while listening to Enya's Shepherd Moons.

Glum has had its day. And if anybody tries to bring it back, I'm gonna give them something to be glum about.


  1. I'm reminded of a friend who, after I had been particularly irritated with someone and announced I was going to be cheerful and pleasant as I got older unlike....grumble grumble

    My friend said "But Cheryl, that sweetness and light stuff is really hard. You'll probably be just like the rest of us."

  2. Gorblum sounds like the Chelsea supporters who phoned Radio 5Alive tonight complaining about their team. How different, how very different, from the Bradford City fans, who had lost the League Cup Final but were so happy to have got to Wembley! They were great examples of happiness and good will.

    (Yes, I follow Footy, but only until TMS is on at a reasonable time!)

    love Mags B xx


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