Saturday, 16 February 2013

Myers-Briggs Church Welcoming Types

ISTJ: "Welcome. The hymn books are in shelf "A". The service sheets are piled on table  "B". The three seats next to the memorial to Parson Maybold are available, and have a 75% view of the High Altar, 89% view of the font and good auditory characteristics during the sermon."

ESTJ: "I'm sure you'll have a great time with Houghton Methodists. It's a great place to relax. Which is why I love it. I'm door steward, circuit steward, treasurer and Local Preacher here. What rotas can I put you on? We've grass-cutting, gardening, evangelism, cleaning, coffee, cake stall, jumble sale...."

ISFJ: "It's lovely to see you. Here's a hymn book, and a service sheet. And should you get a cough during the service I'll make sure you get a cup of water, don't you worry. There's some spaces over there... no, don't walk. Let me carry you over."

ESFJ: "Hello! And who are you? Where do you live? So you must know old Doris? Yes - she is wonderful, isn't she? Are these all your children? And do you have a husband? Lovely. And are all these his children? You really must bring him along. No, I've nothing at all against militant atheists. I'm sure he'll soften up once he's sung a few hymns."

ISTP: "Good morning. All the stuff's just there - just take one of everything. Sorry I'm not much help, only the heating's broken down, and I'm trying to reconstruct the thermostat using a champagne cork and a length of fuse wire."

ESTP: "It's brilliant to meet you! And it's brilliant to meet me, too, of course. This is such a lovely church. The pastor's really nice, and the choir are lovely singers. Old Esme over there is wonderful - and much happier since she had that op  on the old "Farmer Giles". Have a hymn book. The hymns are smashing. And God's great, too."

ESFP: Well hello! I'm Judy, and it's lovely to be able to share with you. Can I give you this stuff? I'm in a bit of a hurry, as I've got to tune up my guitar, check I've got the right reading, put on the chasuble, check I've got the prayers with me and put my sermon in the pulpit."

ISFP: "Oh! Sorry, I was miles away. It was the smell of last week's incense, still just noticeable in the air. And it took me back to that snowy Epiphany when the first snowdrops were just poking through, the walk to church through the frosted wood and the warm light glowing in the crib scene, contrasting with the brittle coldness of the church."

ENTJ: "Welcome to St Agatha's. If your child continues to sniff, my assistant welcomer will provide her with a tissue. Please could your family sit up straight? It makes the liturgy look so much neater if the congregation make an effort."

INTJ: "Welcome to St John's, on this 3rd Sunday after Trinity (or fourth after Pentecost). I'm chief welcomer, Barry is on the hymn-book-handing-out rota, Jeffrey is responsible for handing out the service sheets, Molly will give you a welcome pack and Brian will lead you to your seat. Try to pick one by an aisle, please. It just makes it more efficient to get up for communion."

ENTP: "Hello! And what a sunny Trinity Sunday it is! And the good news is, Reverend Lucy is going to be preaching on The Trinity! What a theme! What a challenge! What an inspiration! Oh, feel free to pick up some service stuff, won't you?"

INTP: "Have a sheet. It's all correct apart from, in my opinion, the Sanctus. You know, where it says 'Holy, holy, holy Lord - God of power and might'? I reckon it should be 'Holy, holy, holy - Lord God of power and might.' And obviously, I worry about the Filioque. Oh... they've gone. Never mind..."

 ENFJ: "Oh I'm so pleased to see you. I was starting to think nobody apart from the 75 of us already here were coming. It's great that you're here. You've got the handouts? Do you need the big-print version of the hymn book? If you need a glass of water, all the drinks stuff is at the back of the church. If your children need the toilet, afraid we've not got one so you'll have to go home. Why don't I take you to your seats? Do you mind if I sit with you? It's lonely over there by the door on my own."

INFJ: "Hello, you must be Sandra? Just a lucky guess... Now here's a hymn book. You'll probably want to sit over there - just far enough from the choir that they won't bring on your tinnitis, but not too far to walk on that awkward ankle. DON'T SIT THERE! One row back will be just right."

ENFP: "Welcome to Barnet Open Baptists. We're always open, and we're always Baptists! Have a hymn book. And a free leaflet - I love this one. It's all about GOD! Isn't that fantastic? Let's hope we finish on time, because afterwards I'm managing the under-11 football team, who are brilliant. And then it's a faith lunch, which is at our house, which is fantastic. And then we've a praise session this afternoon, which will be great, then a faith tea at our house, and then a Bible Study. My wife's having the morning off. Yes, she's a bit tired, she says. Oh look! Someone else to welcome..... "

INFP: "Sorry there's nobody here to welcome you. I'm in the churchyard looking at the crocuses."

37 comments :

  1. ah come off it!! there's NO way an ENFP would remember what it is they're doing at tea time!! and any way they might get distracted along the wa... oh look anotherblog post

    oh yes,,, I remembered... brilliant stuff :) thanks !

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    Replies
    1. You have a point. I shall make a minor amendment...

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  2. As an ENFP, I resemble some of the characteristics. I could add:

    1. Do you like volunteering, because we have lots of opportunities.
    2. Have you done the Alpha/Discipleship/FX/Stewarship course yet?
    3. Are you aware that in the corner there is our Fair Trade Counter?
    4. We are twinned with St Bennie's in Kampala in Uganda (No Bigots).
    5. We are aligned with Inclusive Church and Changing Attitudes. Application forms are under the counter in case the Arch Deacon pops in.

    and so on :)

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  3. Ha ha! Fabulous! :) But as an INFJ, I never have the nerve to shout, I just get more introverted and twitchy...

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  4. I expect this would make much more sense if I knew who Myers-Briggs is

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    1. Posh bloke I was up at Oxford with. Notable for dividing the quad into sixteenths and making everybody stand in a square. Got himself rusticated - we weren't allowed on the lawn on Old Quad.

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  5. I would comment, but as an INFP I think I'll just give you the space to come to your own conclusions...

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    1. What Anne wrote. I'll just stand here.

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  6. I can never remember what my M-B type is, but I do remember knowing that churches didn't have bathrooms so if I needed one I had to go home (or perhaps to the church hall if it was open).

    It was quite a relief to discover that churches now havbe them, although in the cases of the older churches, they're often a challenge to find. I know of one in which you have to go through an unmarked door on one side of the altar, and then figure out which of the unmarked doors in the rather confusing area behind the altar leads to a toilet.

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  7. As an ENFJ I never realised I was quite so talkative. :-)

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  8. you might like this http://bit.ly/NQL7No on myers briggs and prayer and the links in it

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  9. As and INFJ I had a feeling that you might be writing about MB today. Although I don't want to share the details I have a new plan for hymnbook organisation to ensure that the big print version is at the top of the pile when Mrs Havering-Wotsit arrives and the full score version when Mr Albans skips in.

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    Replies
    1. Don't spend all night working it out, though.

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  10. I can remember refusing to accept the MB categories and then being told that the system categorised me anyway as a refuser....

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I'm a Sneerer/Denier myself.

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    2. Is that anything like a Fairy? I believe that I'm a Fairy who wound up in Texas, USA. I'm incredibly improbable. Also, I don't fit in.

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  11. Another useful way of getting confused in the Enneagram>

    http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/descript.asp#.UR-7WR3viSo

    And more pictures so easier to follow :)

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    1. As I said in another place, my Enyagram came back as "Orinoco Flo".

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  12. Oh, come on! In the INTP section you began a sentences with a conjunction. Tut! Tut! (Note to self - let it go! Ooops!)

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  13. Replies
    1. The eternal justice that awaits all pedants squashes another victim flat.

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    2. I enjoyed reading this. Got to the INTP section and went - oops! My personal bug-bear is moving the Gloria - I like it at the end of the service and when I did some study and found out why it was put there it only reinforced my prejudices :)

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  14. The ENFP also loves the scarf you're wearing and wonders where you got it and if you'd come over for tea either before or after Evensong.

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    Replies
    1. They're all right, as long as they're kept calm.

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  15. What Anne wrote. Although, if necessary, I can do any of these, but I will have to go home and fall asleep for the rest of the day, coming up only for tea and back to bed. Now, totally exhausted by this writing, and wary of having revealed too much of myself in public, I shall retire.

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    Replies
    1. You've been very brave. You really need to go for a skip along a river bank now.

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  16. So many INFJs! I thought we were supposed to be rare. I'm going back to hide in my corner.

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    1. You'd be surprised how many INFPs there are in the clerical community. A lot of them aren't really, they just answer the questions the way they'd like to be.

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  17. I come out a different type every time I do the test. INFJ today, just like Mother Theresa. Hmmmm...




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  18. These comments have been a joy to read. It's so nice to see people enjoying each other instead of ripping at each other on the internet. :-) Also, maybe an INFX would write all the stuff about the tinnitus and ankle in a note and finish it up by inviting them to come outside and enjoy the crocuses with her/him...

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    1. They're a nice bunch, my readers. Orthodox, Catholic, Anglican, Methodist, Free Church, Neo-Pagan and any of the above plus atheist. They're all nice.

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    2. No, we're not. Especially the Others.

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  19. I've always thought that ENFP were the superior species :)

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  20. I'm not carrying anybody to their pew ... No, not me ... No way.
    .... Oh, alright ...

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  21. What does "if you expect any of that welcoming nonsense you've obviously come to the wrong church" make me?

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  22. I met a Myers-Briggs when I was last in Thailand, doing er, pastoral work with the ladyboys there. He seemed to be concerned about his last placement in Cheney Longville. I assumed it was his parish but it could have been a member of a boy band. (Despite his lovely vowels, he was very incoherent.) He was begging outside a bar. I did what I could to help him-I confiscated the bottle of bootleg whisky he had beside him. After I'd turned the corner and was out of sight, I thought, " Shame to waste it."

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