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Thursday, 1 August 2013

Liturgy for Yorkshire Day

Beaker Folk assemble on t'moor, accompanied by whippets, flat caps, sensible shoes etc

Charlii: 'ow do...

All: Gradely, gradely.

Charlii: Go and get faither

All: Is there trooble at t'mill?

Hymn: On Ilkley Moor bah't At

A reading from the Prophet Enoch.

Charlii: Ah, Yorkshire,  Yorkshire! You who sack your prophets* and regret your lost industrial heritage. For suffering in pits, woollen mills and steelworks, you received Meadowhall. And yet, one day, your land will be returned to you. And once again your borders will stretch from the Tees to the West of the Pennines. Lancs, Mancs and Mackems will return your stolen villages. You will flow with Tetleys and teacakes. And from Middlesbrough to Saddleworth will the cry of "Yorkshire, Yorkshire!"  arise, and the great Yorkshire deity, Earnshaw, be worshipped. OK, let go the sacrifice......

An old man is pushed down a hill.

Compo Simmonite: Tell Nora I were thinkin' of her!

Norman  Clegg: It's feeling a bit warm. I may take my third cardigan off later.

Charlii: And now Hnaef's in charge for the rest of the day. I'm off to London.

Billy Fisher: A druid could lose herself in London, Charlii. Looooooose herself in London.

Final Incantation

Ear all, see all, say nowt;
Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt -
Allus do it fer thissen


*Boycott

8 comments :

  1. I'll have you know that the Mackems never stole anything from Yorkshire. What would we want with a slice of the south? Blame the Smog Monsters and Monkey Hangers of Teeside for that, mate. And while we are on, which stupid civil servant lumped us together with Newcastle in a non-county like Tyne and Wear? Let's have Northumberland and Co Durham restored to their proper boundaries.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On behalf of our liturgist, I would like to apologise. You are right, they are Monkey-Hangers that stole Middlesborough, not Mackems, who are a gentle, friendly, law-abiding and wonderful bunch.

      Delete
  2. You can sing "On Jordan's Bank the Baptist's Cry" and "While Shepherds Watched" to the Ilkley Moor tune.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've done so many a time!

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    2. not a lot of people know that........

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    3. Spooky. Because you can also sing "On Ilkley Moor" to "While shepherds watched".

      Delete
    4. Aye, but the "sweet bells" chorus doesn't go so well with on Ilkley Moor.

      Delete
  3. Eeh, by 'eck, tha's right there. Sounds reet gradely.

    ReplyDelete

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