Archdruid: Top of the Morning to Ye!
All: To be sure, to be sure.
Hymn: Lord of the Dance (Flatley)
Archdruid: Ah; Irish dancing. Like an antidote to Charismatics.
Voice from the back: What about the Charismatic Catholics?
Hymn: My Lovely Horse
Archdruid: We've got to lose that sax solo.
All: Drink! Drink! Drink!
Archdruid: You lot been drinking already?
All: Ted - we mean, Eileen - we've been drinking like mad eejits.
Archdruid: Now a time of reflection as we consider all that has happened since last St Patrick's Day
Hymn: What's another Year? (Logan)
Child who asks Liturgical Questions, a bit like Passover Only Obviously We're Not Jewish: Why do we celebrate St Patrick's Day when we're nearly all English?
Archdruid: O "Child who asks Liturgical Questions, a bit like Passover Only Obviously We're Not Jewish" - the answer is clear. St George was a Turkish knight who killed a dragon in Egypt and is celebrated in England and also Georgia. As such he is multi cultural, a symbol of the great melting pot of acceptance and tolerance that is modern England. And deeply boring on the same count. Whereas Patrick is Irish...
All: Actually, no. He's English. May even be from Towcester, would you believe.
Archdruid ...As i say, Patrick is Irish. And as such, a symbol of fun, craic, being at ease with oneself and yet simultaneously being aware of deep spiritual truth. We English - devoid of spiritual heritage apart from singing psalms in a technique we don't understand in cold buildings - we look into the well of our spiritual emptiness, and throw everybody else's spirituality in to make ourselves feel spiritually authentic.
All: Ouch. Do you mind if we play some bodhrans to cheer ourselves up after that piece of painful truth?
Archdruid: To be sure. And don't forget to pick up a blow-up Leprechaun from the Beaker Bazaar. Double price while St Patrick's Day lasts.
May the sun beat down on your head, unless you're thin on top in which case wear a hat.
May the snails not crunch under your feet on foggy days.
May catering lorries give you a wide enough space to cycle safely.
May the black stuff be black
And your whiskey spelt with an "e".
May the craic flow
And gentle winds blow
And the gentle rain not seep in through your eaves, causing a persistent and annoying damp problem
Until we meet again.