Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Kitten Church

What a relief, now that the Election is over, that we can forget about politics for a few years and get back to some serious religion!

It's a hard life for many people. Lots have to depend on food banks. And they're not all providing the social services it's claimed.  I gave our local one a cake last year. But when I called round yesterday to check my account, they said I'd not got any interest. I know rates are low, but surely I must've earned at least a doughnut by now.

Anyway. With the need, misery and general hardship in this Vale of Tears, I figured we needed something spiritual but uplifting. So the Festival of Kittens came about.

Obviously we projected images of hundreds of kittens on the Wonderwall of Worship. Obviously.

But it was during the singing of "If I were a Butterfly" that we really turned on the worship. We released two dozen kittens into the Moot House. All specially-btef delightful colours, with sparkles in their ears. Young Keith has spent six years genetically modifying to get a lime green kitten. Unfortunately, they're ferocious and all that when they grow up,  and we have to set them loose in Woburn. But they look lovely when they are young.

And then the angel kittens dropping from the ceiling!  It took Branwen ages to glue those wings on. So she had to miss the service as she was awaiting her tetanus jab. Nasty business. But worth it for the rest of us.

So we were singing "Build your Kitten Here", and everyone was throwing catnip balls around for the kittens to chase. And I realised that this is what religion is all about. Having nice thoughts in a kitten-filled environment. In many ways, if you want to enter the Kingdom, you've got to be like a kitten. Fluffy, inoffensive, simple-minded. And, underneath it all, a ferocious predator after the taste of blood.


  1. This is your most profound and insightful blog post for a while. I may reference it in my 'Ministry within Christian Community' weekly diary.

  2. As the proud keeper of 9 kittens (fully grown, but still think they're kittens) I can assure you that a cat landing on you with claws extended isn't for the faint hearted. If you remember the old fashioned tb jab with many needles, compare 20 extended claws hitting you full on, particularly if you're in thin, summer shirt or such. The screams are louder and more heart wrenching than if you were on the rack on extending terms.

    No, Cats are fierce little beasts, best left to chase bits of string around the floor, not put onto high places to drop onto people.

  3. There's all sorts of weird things been released into Woburn. There are rumours that members of the Aristocarcy can be found in the wild there having stolen land from poor people. Personally I discount that as the glis glis, munkjac and chinese deer all emerged spontaneously

  4. Ceiling Cat maded all stuffs in heavns and urfs an did not eated them so is rite 2 hav speshul day 4 Kittehs. kthxbai.

  5. O hai Ceiling Cat u maded all stuff in the ceiling an on the flor so tis rite 2 mark speshul fest 4 kittehs. kthxbai


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