Friday 22 May 2015

Nativity of Morrissey

Other religions have their saints, and so do we. We prefer people from the modern era, on the grounds that most of our target audience - sorry, mission field -  have no real grasp of history. Morrissey is about as near to a martyr as you can get, at any rate. Even if he is self-appointed.


Hi-viz colour: Grey

Lamentation

Leader:        Panic on the streets of London. Panic on the streets of Birmingham.

All:        I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now.

Confession

All: Sweetness, I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed.

Archdruid: The devil will find work for idle hands to do

All: I stole and I lied, and why? because you asked me to

Absolution

Leader:        William, it was really nothing.

Realisation that it's the world that is wrong, and not us, all along

All: You shut your mouth how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does

Affirmation of vague belief

Oh, there is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out
There is a light and it never goes out

There is a light and it never goes out

Primal-scream-like anger catharsis ritual

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J.

All:        Hang the D.J.

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J.

All:        Hang the D.J.

Archdruid:    Hang the D.J. Hang the D.J. Hang the DJ.

All:        Hang the D.J.


Liturgy of healing for a post-modern, liberal congregation

Those Requiring healing: I'm too tired, I'm so very tired and I'm feeling very sick and ill today

Archdruid: Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I don't know.

Those Requiring healing:       Am I still ill?

Prayers of Intercession

All: So please please please let me, let me, let me
let me get what I want 
For once in my life let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
Lord knows it would be the first time. 

Dismissal

Archdruid: So you go, and you stand on your own and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry and you want to die.



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