Tuesday, 5 May 2015

The Election Pledge-Stones of the Beaker Monarchs

As is well known the early Beaker Folk were a bunch of utter democrats. Election of their kings and queens was on a strictly first-past-the-post system. Basically they lined up the people who wanted to be rulers, and then set the wolves on them. The fastest runners got to rule. The slowest got to make a real-terms increase in wolf nutrition.

But what is less-known is that they used, like Ed Miliband, to carve their election pledges onto megaliths, just before the wolves went for them. This was their way, should they make it to the post (and climb up it before the wolves got there) of ensuring they were held to their promises.

Obviously they're hard to read - they're thousands of years old, after all. And rain wears them down. But I'm glad to show you a few of their stones, and the pledges they made.
Action on flint-knapping jobs

A Wise Woman in every village
A career-defining attempt to see Long Compton 
A Referendum on Leaving the Roman Empire
Controls on Celtic Immigration
A massive increase in yurt-building in North Oxforshire


  1. Oh, is that why they called Ed Miliband "Beaker"?

  2. Quite agree with their policy on celtic immigration. Where do I sign up to be a pot-head?

  3. The third picture looks to me like an extremely weather-worn statue, by some Neolithic Jacob Epstein or Henry Moore. Rima, perhaps? Or a life-size sheela-na-gig, if your mind happens to work that way. Mine doesn't, of course.


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