Thursday, 21 May 2015

Those Church Pools in Full

Talent Pool: Where bright, young, ambitious things get to learn Leisure centre Management and Swimming in Officially-Recognised Styles.

Learner's Pool: Where people are put out of fear they'll struggle in the Deep End.

Baptismal Pool: Training scheme for high-flying Mennonites

8-ball Pool: Popular alternative to Evensong. But then, what isn't?

Dead Pool: Formerly known as the Communion of Saints.

Muddy Pool: Retraining ministers as blues singers

Pool of Blood: Secretive cult within the Talent Pool, dedicated to the elimination of liberals and heretics.

Liverpool: Place with a cathedral to spare.

Poole Harbour: Good place to encourage tithing.

Pool Resources: Hi-tech library for members of the Talent Pool.

Car Pool: Motor maintenance classes for low flying clergy scheduled for multi church jobs in large, rural patches.

Football Pool: Last resort of cash-strapped congregation that thinks the Lottery is a bit new-fangled.

Splash Pool: When mermaids are allowed to be ordained, this will be their training scheme.


  1. Now you're talking.The various pools that the church has, must include the one in the large hole in the church yard (grave dug) which fills with water after a torrential downpour. As the coffin is lowered it floats back up again.

    But I digress from the real point of this response. I was once in a pool of people seeking the churches mind on Ordination for myself and the others alongside me. We were all taken to a MBTI course to ascertain our personality types. Most of those who were Intraverts went onto getting a recommendation at BAP. Us, more outgoing types seemed to be the ones who got a Not. I'm beginning to wonder if there is some sort of conspiracy by the I types to take over the church and edge out all of the Extraverts. Just look at how boring and mundane some of the Bishops are, how much worship is 'the same old, same old' and how General Synod is full of worthy types all with convictions (not criminal ones as far as I know) that they push earnestly onto the rest of us. Why did it take to long to get Women as Priests and Bishops, when Jesus clearly recognised the ministry of Women over 2 K years ago?

    No, the introspective types are not the risk takers we need - bring on Extraverts, bugger the paperwork, lets get on with things.

    1. If Jesus recognised women's ministry over 2,000 years ago, how old was he? 17? Surely the ministry he recognised at that tender age was that of Our Lady.

    2. My phone working the way it does, the first word I saw was the mild expletive in the last sentence.

      Which led me to conclude that I'd been left a message by one of the two bishops who occasionally read this blog.

    3. ... one of the two bishops that you are aware occasionally read this blog.

    4. The Es are doing their best (with Facebook, Twitter and the rest) to make being an I not simply inferior but socially unacceptable. It's time for the church to stand against the tide.

      (I'm not sure if I'm joking)


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