Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Welcome to Vegetaria

I've decided we're going to branch out into an authentic Vegetarian menu within the dining hall.

People often talk about food from the country of Vegetaria, but it's not widely realised just how diverse its cuisine is. This is because the Vegetarian food in this country has mostly been brought over by expats from one particular part of the country. In the twin provinces of Ovo and Lacto, the soil is conducive only to the production of red peppers, goat's cheese and the spectacular Broccoli Quiche trees. Hence the Vegetarian food we see is quite limited, considering the great richness of the nation as a whole.

There are also people from the Indian Vegetarian community who have come over to England, but mostly these do not associate with other Vegetarians.

Vegetaria is mostly land-locked, but does technically include the autonomous region of Pesco, a peninsular that lies in the Sea of Self-Delusion. Pesco-vegetarians eat a rich fish-based diet, and occasionally some chicken. Or pork, as that's white meat as well. Other Vegetarians treat Pesco-vegetarians as second-class citizens.

The religious life of Vegetaria is as varied as the country There are Christians, Buddhists and Hindus, and the county of Vega has its own special religion with a pronounced Hermeneutic of Suspicion. The holy scripture of the Vegans is in very small type, so they can practice reading the small print on food labels.

The head of the state religion is known as the Big Wind. Every year, the new Big Wind is chosen at the annual Bean Feast, and lives on a pulse-only diet for twelve months.  This produces trance-like religious states. Particularly in the small hours of the morning. When a new Big Wind is chosen, the previous year's one goes off into the wilderness. At the request of all the other Vegetarians.

While neutral in international politics, the Vegetarians live in terror of a Republican president being elected in the USA. If history has taught them one thing, it is that countries with odd names get bombed more.

1 comment :

  1. Many years ago a friend took a group of us to a highly-touted vegetarian restaurant in London. Highly-touted among vegetarians, that is.

    They were so doctrinally pure that the chips were made from beetroot, not potatoes. I had never before realised that the genus Solanum consisted of small furry creatures with big appealing eyes....

    FYI, beetroot chips are disgusting.


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