Monday, 6 June 2016

Take a Pew

"Welcome to St Agatha's! Nice to see someone new.

Feel free to sit where you like.

No, not there. That's Vyvian's seat. And he doesn't really like people too close to him... so I'd avoid the pew in front. And behind. Oh - and in his peripheral vision. That's the worst, of course. Makes him jump.

Maybe over there... oh no - that's where the Wardens sit. I meant a bit further forward. Yes, I suppose that pillar does block your view of the pulpit. I don't really think that's a bad thing is it?

Ooh. I wouldn't sit there. That's the seat where our MP sits if she attends. No.... not very likely. But if she did you'd have to move. You know, like in that parable. And you wouldn't want to be scorning the Good Book's advice on seating.

Yes, over by the children's corner is fine. You'll not be bothering any one there. Just be careful. Little Arnold gets a bit frustrated when he's bored, and starts throwing bricks out the corner. No, you're right.  Foam blocks won't hurt anyone. But unfortunately these are real bricks.

Yes, this is a small church. If we had more space we wouldn't have to store building materials in the children's play area.

No, please not there. That's Agnes's pew. She'd be really upset if she knew you were sitting there. No, she won't actually be here, bless her. She's more here in spirit. That's her memorial over there. 80 years she sat in that seat.

Oh, vicar's arrived. Looks like it's just us three then. Normally there would be more. But you know, it's half term..."


  1. Come to our parish, where there are no fixed seating arrngements, except the Vicar's Stool and the Curate's Stall and the Choir and the ChurchWarden Stool, and the PCC's benches, and the flower arrangers benches (all 20 of them) and the Bench for Retired Clergy and Readers and the Bench for the Mothers Union and the Bench for the Children's Society and Christian Aid organisers and the stools for the Licensed Lay Ministers (3) and the bench for those who wander in and expect to be welcomed.

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  3. I have to admit that when I saw the heading "Take a Pew" I assumed that you were following the example of many of our local churches and selling/giving away the pews and replacing them with comfy seats that can be arranged to disguise the size of the congregation more easily than fixed pews.

    And talking of congregation size - I am starting to worry that congregations are choosing their holidays (and their illnesses/accidents/births marriages and deaths) to coincide with Sundays when I am planned to preach. At least, that is the simplest explanation of the long list of people who won't be here today, which the steward always presents me with in the vestry prior to the service.

    1. I'm sure nobody is doing that at all.

      Actually, we're thinking of leading a Beaker pilgrimage to Cheshire over the summer.

      Unrelated - do you have any holidays planned?


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