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Thursday, 8 September 2016

Liturgy of the 50th Anniversary of Star Trek

Hymn: Star Trekkin'

Hnaef: Hoo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

Archdruid: Space: the final frontier.

Keith: So it's liminal then, if it's a frontier?.

Archdruid: Erm... I guess.

Charlii: Sorry, how can space be liminal?

Keith: Well, it's a frontier and that's liminal so that's good and we can have a lovely chat about being, and not being.....

Charlii: The whole of space? Liminal? Then what isn't liminal if the whole of space is?

Keith: Erm... the edge of space?

Charlii: What could be more liminal than the edge of something liminal? If it existed at all? Is there even an edge of space?

Keith: Well there must be. It's got to stop somewhere.

Charlii: And what's the other side of the edge?

Keith: Look, it's quite simple. Let me explain....

Charlii: I've got the degrees in astrophysics and theology, and wrote a dissertation on cosmology and you tell me it's simple and you can explain?

Keith: Imagine the Moot House is space. And the Worship Focus is the sun. And the tea lights are... are pulsars. And... please stop throwing tea lights at me.

Archdruid: OK. While Charlii is chasing Keith around the garden. Let's try again. Hnaef....

Hnaef: Hoo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo!

Archdruid: Captain's blog. Stardate 8th September.

Kirk: Raise protective shields! We're crashing into the star! Sulu! Where's Sulu?

Uhura: I'm sorry Jim. He's been absorbed into a collective cosmic consciousness.

Kirk: The Borg?

Uhura: No. Facebook.

Ken Livingstone: Did someone mention Hitler?

All: GET OUT!

Keith: Uhura! You must understand why space is liminal? Imagine this pebble is the space-time continuum... Please stop throwing pebbles at me.

Archdruid: While Uhura and Charlii are chasing Keith around the garden, I've just thought. I never liked Star Trek.

All: Heretic!!!!

Archdruid: OK. You asked for it... release the tribbles!

All: Ahhhhh!

Archdruid: OK. Let's set the warp drive up to 9 and reverse the positron drive.

Scotty: Ye cannae break the laws of physics!

Archdruid: OK. Final hymn. "Every Star Shall Sing a Carol."

Spock: Illogical, Archdruid.

Archdruid: You're telling me. OK Mr Scott. Beam us all out of here.

All: And also with you.

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