Saturday, 3 September 2016

Something in the Water in Tunbridge Wells?

Tunbridge Wells must be an ecclesiastical riot. First up we have the Anglican vicar who drew parallels between homosexuality and paedophilia, wants to start a Shadow Synod and apparently sacked his quire.

And then the local Ordinariate steps in. And its priest says the Church of England is over-trusting because it believes the Bishop of Grantham when he says he's not sleeping with his partner.

Now I don't believe the good Bishop should have to make such a promise. But if he has done, I'm gonna take him at his word. And then leave it there. Not start wondering whether he might ever stray from that promise. Partly because it strikes me as very unfair. And partly because I don't really want to start imagining other people's sex lives.

Fr Eddy Tomlinson is presumably trusted to be a priest without every minute wondering whether he's going to start affairs with his parishioners - male or female, according to his preference, which I really don't want to know about. You don't have vicars at weddings saying "Liar! You'll never manage that!" in response to "forsaking all others." The very essence of Christian discipleship and ministry is "with the help of God, we will."

I don't know what's in the Tunbridge Wells water. But it needs checking, fast.


  1. Chalybeate. Which apparently means "iron-rich". "the Spring water was reputed to cure all sorts of ills from infertility and hangovers to obesity and 'a moist brain'". Most likely an excess has extracted too much moisture from the brains of certain clergy.

    1. Ah, the wells that feed the infant Rivers Fleet on Hampstead Heath are also chalybeate. And yet the people of Camden have some of the moistest brains around.

  2. There should be ecclesiastical cameras mounted in every room of every property owned by the church, in order to monitor 24/7 that no sexual wantonness occurs. This includes exclusion of any use of anything but the missionary position (eyes shut, of course) and only the participation of legitimately and canonically and in all other ways sanctified married penises and vaginas.

  3. Sam Weller described chalybeate water as "smelling of warm flat-irons". Perhaps that's what's affecting the good people of TW? (I am sure that it would affect me.)

    Equating homosexuality with paedophilia, that's an old one. I remember vaguely from my early childhood in the 1950s hearing adult comments implying that children were not safe around gay men. Amazing that such antediluvian ideas still survive among people, like this vicar, who are young enough to know better.


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