Friday, 9 March 2018

On the Ineffectiveness of Tin Foil Hats

A typically disparaging piece on tin foil hats in Wikipedia shows the sort of prejudice the tin-foil-hat-wearing community has to face every day.

It's wrong and it's unfair to criticise those who quite reasonably think that wearing a couple of layers of metal around your brain stops the Government from reading, or indeed controlling, your thoughts.

But a thought struck me today, as the Beaker Tin Foil people were having one of their whispered meetings in the Lead-Lined Room. (I still think the window was a mistake).

We call it "tin foil". But it ain't made of tin any more. It's been made of aluminium (or "aluminum" if you spell like Donald Trump) for decades.

And you know what I reckon? I reckon it's a Government trick.

Who arranged things so that aluminium replaced tin as the foil raw material of choice? Well, who legally threatened Alcoa, the major manufacturer of aluminium - thus breaking its monopoly and reducing prices? That's right. The US government.

Why did they do that? It's obvious, isn't it? Because tin foil does indeed protect your brainwaves.

But aluminium foil doesn't. It's all so clear.

So anyway. I've set up an offshoot of Mrs Whimsey's Doily Company. It just sells hats made of tin foil. Proper tin foil. Tin foil made out of tin. Tin that will protect your brain.

It's selling like hot cakes round here, I can tell you. And everybody's thoughts are nice and safe again. Not that they were worth a penny in the first place.

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you.

From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.

1 comment :

  1. I've never thought that the government would want to read our minds, tin foil or no tin foil. They are an elite, who are to busy trying to read each others minds and out guess them on the next political move, to bother with the poor old voter.

    That is until election time, where they now insist on voterID, which will involve taking DNA and than inserting a chip into our brains, which can be programmed by the government to vote for them.

    We have to resist this with all of our power, by choosing not to register or to vote. If everyone withheld their vote, apart from Politicians, they'd just be voting for each other, which would mean a hung election (and perhaps a few hung politicians) and we all be better off. Brexit would go away as the would be nobody to negotiate and we could have Direct Rule from Buckingham Palace. I'm sure that QE would love to get her hands on the reins of power, and send a few of the previous politicians to the Tower and give out jobs to people she likes (Race Horse Trainers and their ilk) and use the un-elected house of Lords to actually Govern. Nothing like a geriatric PM and Cabinet. We have new parking places for Zimmer Frames at 10 Downing Street and a few Generals or Admirals or Air Marshals to act as Door Openers and Security Guards. Who needs democracy> Not Donald Trump; and if it's good enough for the most powerful (alleged) country in the world, it should be good enough for us.


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