In Memorial: Jim Bowen, Ken Dodd and Stephen Hawking

Introit: The Bullseye theme

Archdruid: Super

Charlii: Smashing

All: Great.

Archdruid: In the midst of life we are in death. From the day of birth we need some mirth. And can I say how tickled I am that Ken Dodd gave us all such mirth.

Charlii: Who was he?

Archdruid: Never mind. My dad liked him.

March of the Diddy Men

Charlii: Shouldn't that be "Diddy People"?

Hamish McDiddy: No! We're a happy race but we reproduce asexually.

All: Moving swiftly on....

Archdruid: And we've got Mick and Rob from Dudley. Mick's a welder, but Rob hasn't worked since the steel works closed. But Jim would have respected them both the same.

 All: Bless him. Salt of the earth.

Archdruid: So keep out of the black, and in the red. You get nothing in this game for two in a bed.

All: Not in this game.

Hnaef: Wasn't that Brucie?

Archdruid: Never mind.

Sermon

Archdruid: And so we reflect that in fact we were wrong. We believed that, when the Universe died in a long-drawn-out whimper of heat death, and the last black hole expired as it gave off the last of its Hawking  radiation, the only thing left before the End would be Ken Dodd's last few jokes at a gig at the Grove, Dunstable on a rainy Tuesday.  But even a Ken Dodd gig can't last forever. 

And we reflect that, with "A Brief History of Time" once again topping the bestsellers list, if all the unread copies were gathered together into one place they probably would collapse into a black hole under their own gravity.  

And we wouldn't want to prejudge anyone's eternal destiny - that belonging to God alone. But can't help thinking that, if Jim Bowen rocks up at the Pearly Gates, where there is no sea. it would be quite nice if St Peter were to present him with a motor boat. 

And for God to be impressed that one of these three managed to give us a good impression of what eternity is like.

All: Not Hawking. You're talking about that gig in Dunstable again, aren't you?

Archdruid: Those that is born of woman have but a short time. And they leave this place without even the bus fair home. So we'll shed happy Tears for the difference they've made. The joy of kindness, the joy of laughter and the joy of discovery. And there are three more stars in heaven tonight

Stephen Hawking's Voice Simulator: Don't be stupid, Eileen.

Archdruid: OK. Roll the credits the Universe will end for your entertainment.

Hymn: Happiness

Want a good laugh? Want to laugh at the church? Want to be secretly suspicious that the author has been sitting in your church committee meetings taking notes? Then Writes of the Church: Gripes and grumbles of people in the pews is probably the book for you. From Amazon, Sarum Bookshop, The Bible Readers Fellowship and other good Christian bookshops. An excellent book for your churchgoing friends, relatives or vicar. By the creator of the Beaker Folk.