Saturday, 17 September 2022

All Worship Cancelled Out of Respect

Out of respect to Her Late Majesty, all regular worship is cancelled. Out of respect.

Today's Liturgy of Hildegard of Bingen, Patroness of Microwaves, will now  be held on 3 November in Towcester. While our traditional-language procession for today, the "Lambert Walk", will be replaced by the "Southwark Queue."

Tomorrow's worship will be replaced by a video loop of sad photos of marmalade sandwiches. Beaker Folk are reminded of the words of Judas, "This marmalade could have been given to the poor."

Then on Monday, out of respect, all Beaker Folk living in the Moot House will be confined to their rooms out of respect. Those without en suite facilities will be provided with empty marmalade jars. Maybe you could have spent more on your rooms, and less on plush Paddington toys. The grounds of the community will be patrolled by Russian-trained Attack Badgers to ensure respect is maintained at all times.

Please join me in these marks of respect.


  1. I trust there will be no awareness of guinea pigs, out of respect.

  2. Looking at those who have chosen to grovel or to gloat, I must conclude that all this circus is about them rather than about the late Queen. They seem to be demanding human sacrifices, as in life-saving operations cancelled, but I seriously doubt the Queen would, even if the victims had bitten one of her corgis.
    Let us not forget, moreover, that she kept herself on her feet long enough to ensure that a fat, lying, adulterous crook was definitely not going to be in post for her obsequies.


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