Seemed a good idea at the time, to cash in on the direct cremations fashion.
But now I keep getting people coming to say, look we know Aunt Ethel asked for it, having seen a low-paid actor in an ad, wittering on about the sausage rolls at the wake. She was convinced it was better to save her family money, and trust they would have their own, cheaper yet more personal ceremony at the pub or in a nice restaurant.
But they've been left with a vague feeling of nothing. Instead of getting together with friends and family members, going through a shared ritual, getting into a drunken fight, and restructuring the family roles - which is what funerals are at least partly for - there's nothing. The pub has been closed and left to rot while the management company tries to get planning permission to build a care home on the site. Nobody can agree whether to go for Chinese, Indian, or a Toby carvery. And Ethel is - probably much to her surprise - still upstairs at Cousin Eric's in the spare bedroom, surprising visitors when they wonder what lovely gift has been left for them for their stay, and peer into the folksy hessian bag.
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| "Forget the red suit. Let's save the money and stay home" |
So now, instead of the lovely get-together the woman with the red glasses on the other ad was looking forward to, there's a void. A ritual lacuna, if you will.
So they come to see me and we agree to say some prayers.
And while this doesn't necessarily replace the ceremony they feel they should have, it does give a sense they've done something. A death is a passage, and now the passage has been given a rite.
And on Aunt Ethel's birthday, when Facebook pops up the suggestion that they might want to send her best wishes - they'll remember to put "heavenly" in the greeting, rather than assuming she's still in that bungalow in Cleethorpes. No, she's next to the ashes of Eric's pet iguana instead.
In Memory of Ethel
4 June 1938 - 16 August 2025
No opening music
No Eulogy
No Favourite Hymn
No Reading
Not even "Death is Nothing at All", which is ironic, given she actually is in the next room
No Commendation
Commital at Some Unspecified Time when Eric Moves House
No Closing Music
No donations are requested to any charity
No flowers
The family do not look forward to welcoming you to any wake location
Delivery in 10-14 days. Click here to track your parcel.
They could at least play ‘Don’t Go’, if she’s ‘Upstairs at Eric’s’? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upstairs_at_Eric's?wprov=sfti1
ReplyDeleteWell spotted. The O'Vienna Syndrome does tend to come back in humid weather.
DeleteSwitching albums, at least you can put a non-existent funeral service in Nobody's Diary.
Click here to track your parcel is such a thoughtful addition.
ReplyDeleteWe've had Pa's cremation, the first wake, the second wake (memorial afternoon tea), and are planning the third (scattering of ashes long weekend). No less than we did for mother. We like things done proper. (Same eulogy each time) (well, Mother had a different one, of course)
ReplyDelete