Don't Tell Him, Spike

I've been following conspiracy theory groups for a while. Just for my own amusement. I'm not a conspiracy theorist.

Not because I'm naturally sceptical. Not because I think I'm cleverer than I am.

But because the Beaker Folk are part of the conspiracy.

I've kept quiet about it up till now. ButI figured it was time we came out and said it. Because it will save conspiracy theorists a lot of theorising. And because there are now literally people dropping dead in the streets all over Europe every hour of the day. Someone had to notice eventually.

Yes, obviously the "spike" protein in the Covid jab was a special treatment designed to give everyone long-term illnesses. Here at the Beaker Folk, our Beaker  Bazaar sells dozens of bottles of aromatherapy cures every day. We'd be wasting our time hand-curing lavender flowers and squeezing the juice out of cochineal beetles if we couldn't ensure people were moderately unwell and in search of a non-big-pharma treatment from someone who isn't a doctor.

And obviously if you've ever had a Covid vaccine, you're shedding the spike proteins in all directions. The vaccinated excrete it into the water, and it gets into the drinking water supply via treatment plants. That's why we use a well here at the Community.

Jabbed people breathe it out everywhere in droplets. If you wear a mask you won't breathe those droplets in. But like geniuses we have managed to persuade conspiracy theorists that masks are bad.

Go to hospital and you don't have to worry that the doctors will jab you while you're under anaesthetic - which is a common anti-vax concern.  We've just put it in the air conditioning.

If you even sleep with someone who's been vaccinated, you'll get Sexually Transmitted Spike Disease. Which is just as painful as it sounds.

But once we were able to produce the spike protein at scale, the sky was literally the limit. We all know that airplane contrails already contain lithium, kryptonite, smart dust, pixie dust, and tiny nano-gerbils that can burrow under your fingernails. But now we're pumping spike proteins out into the atmosphere. Basically, if you see a jet above you, your only option is to get under cover and shelter in place. This is why Beaker People spend so much time in the Moot House.

Obviously, while you're under cover it's best you don't drink any water. 

And don't watch any TV. We've worked out how to broadcast spike proteins through the Internet and over satellite.

Many swear by nicotine vapes and ivermectin as ways of detoxing from the spike. Which might work. If we hadn't bought out the supply chains for both and stuffed them full of spikes.

So basically it's spikes all the way down. All the organic food you buy has been spiked in the rain. All the tinned food has spikes in that weird plastic liner tins have these days.

Well, not quite all.

For some reason we can't work out, the production processes for prune juice and for baked beans seem to eliminate the spikes. We think it's something to do with acidity levels.

So if you see a jet in the sky, or you wake up next to your Tinder date and notice they've grown small horns and developed a twitch, or it starts raining, don't panic. 

Just get in the house and live on nothing but stockpiled prune juice and baked beans.

I guarantee you'll soon notice the difference.