The Goddess Eostre and the Killer Vampire Bunny-Wunny

Back before the First World War broke out, there was an idea that civilisation was moving forwards and the sum of human knowledge increasing.

Now, I don't know if the sum of human knowledge is increasing these days. But I reckon if it is, the distribution of human knowledge is pretty lumpy.

Take the annual claim expressed by Facebookers that "Easter is a pagan festival". Which I may have mentioned once or twice before.

So taking the claims in turn: they claim that Easter stole the Spring Equinox from the festival of Eostre. Who is probably well-enough attested to accept she was regarded as a goddess by the West Germanic tribes. The main source for her is an 8th Century work by Bede, an Anglo-Saxon Christian, who tells us that the month of April in Old English was named after her. And therefore the feast of "Easter" got its name from her.

So the West Germanic races stole a feast, invented the concept of the Christian "Easter" and named it after her. The modern Eostre-supporters claim the Solstice was named "Ostara" after her. There's no actual evidence for this, and of course "Ostara" doesn't fall in "Eostre-monat". It falls in March.

So far so wacky, proof that anyone who claims that Easter (a celebration dating back to 2nd century Turkey) is based on Eostre (probably an Anglo-Saxon goddess, first named in the 8th century) has been enjoying some festive magic mushrooms. Outside the rain-blighted western Germanic coasts, Easter has a name like "Pasch" that derives from the Hebrew/Aramaic word from Passover. Which it would. Because of course Christianity took its origins (and the principles of its dating) from Passover, the Jewish feast. Not a pagan feast at all. No offence to modern Pagans, who are a kindly and gentle nature-loving bunch in my experience.

But hang on a mo.

What sort of goddess was Eostre? Given we know so little about her. 

Well, obviously she was a Germanic goddess. Do we know anything about Germanic deities in general? 

They had equivalents in Norse deities. Where they were frequently pretty bloodthirsty. The way to get into Valhalla was to die in battle.

And the Anglo-Saxons themselves. Were they peace-and-nature-loving hippies, tripping around saying hello to trees and flowers? Did they think the stars were God's daisy-chain?

Or had they just spent a couple of hundred years before Bede's time, driving the Celtic (also pagan) people of the British isles off to the fringes by a combination of invasion, genocide, and inter-breeding? 

Yes, second one.

So she had mates like Woden, and Thunor. The people who worshipped her were warriors and invaders. 

And then Jacob Grimm suggested her animal familiar may have been the hare. No evidence for this, just made it up. 

So let's pretend for a minute that the Eostre the Angles and Saxons may have worshipped had a pet hare or bunny. What sort of lagomorph might it be? One that just leaps around in spring, mating and eating carrots?

Or Monty Python's Rabbit of Caerbannog? The neck-biting monster?

Break out the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch is all I have to say on the matter.