Some more unacceptable bingo calls - the Pride of Sudbury

Hot on the heels of Sudbury Council's crackdown on politically incorrect bingo calls - we hope that the oppressed bingo caller finds some way of dealing with the kinds of assorted twits and cowards that think this kind of thing is in some way sensible, without losing all his punters.

Bingo is of course an important if declining part of our culture.   Based on a community activity, mostly practised by women, where regular attendance and the frequent donation of small amounts of money can bring great rewards.  Oh no, that's the church, isn't it?

But checking through the traditional bingo calls - we find more than just "8" and "88" may lack political correctness.
Kelly's Eye will have to go as well, of course - on the grounds that we should not discriminate against the partially-sighted.  And "one-" and "two little ducks" could be offensive to vertically-challenged peculiar people.  Best be on the safe side.  As for "5 and 6 - was she worth it"?  Clearly that's got to go.  And poor old "number 30 - dirty Gertie" is deeply offensive to people called Gertrude with personal hygiene problems.  "Man Alive number 5" would presumably be OK if changed to "person alive".  And on the "all shall win prizes" philosophy of modern councils and schools, "Top of the Shop - 90" will definitely have to be abolished as it is depressing for all the other numbers.  We suggest "Well done, but no better than any of the others - 90".
It's going to be a dull old Christmas Bingo session in the Beaker Ballroom tonight, but at least Sudbury Council won't be coming round to sue us.

We note, incidentally, the appalling grammatical blunder on Sudbury's web page - but don't suppose they will spot it even if we quote it - somewhere below.  More time spent on grammar, less on politically-correct stupidity, may be the way to go in Sudbury...
"More of Gainsborough's work is on display at Gainsborough's House than any other museum in the world. It also displays exhibitions by contemporary artists and houses a recently refurbished workshop where artists can make prints (click on the Local Attractions link for more information on Gainsborough's House and it's opening times)."


Anyway, eyes down for the start of this afternoon's Filling-up of Beakers.  And the first hymn is Heaven's Gate - number 78.