Archdruid: We come to burn the wicker man, in memory of Callan's greatest scene. Well, obviously not Callan. The bloke who played him, may he rest in peace.
All: Can we do anything for you, Archdruid?
Archdruid: No, I doubt it, seeing you're all raving mad!
All: Have we got the sacrificial schmuck?
Earwig: A man who would come here of his own free will.
Burton: A man who has come here with the power of a king. By representing the law...
Drayton: A man who would come here as a virgin...
Hnaef: A man who has come here as a fool!
Young Keith's Uncle the Police Officer: Do you know what, I'm feeling a bit nervous about all this... Look, I've been happily married for years.
All: It's all right... we're only joking!
Closing hymn - Summer is icumen in.
The Wicker Man is burnt as a final salute to the great Edward Woodward.
Archdruid: In the end, there's only one great Equalizer....
No police officers were harmed in the making of this liturgy.
