Wishing the Archdruid a Happy Birthday

Alongside all true, faithful Beaker Folk, I would like to wish our great Archdruid a Happy Birthday. I would like to say, with not a hint of syncophancy, that she looks not a day more over 29 than she did last year.

I am disappointed that my calls for a poetic paean to sing her praises didn't yield more fruit, and would ask people not to visit the local Gents unless they really need to: we will be removing the newly penned limericks from the back of the doors as soon as we can find the industrial solvent. I suspect that young Keith may have purloined it for experimentation.

In the meantime, here is my unworthy penning:

There once was lovely Archdruid,
Who fans, I assure, never boo 'mid
Her long, but most learned
Sermons which earned
Her the title "Preacher oft sued".

Though, I'd point out, all of the cases have, to this point, been settled out of court.

Happy Birthday, great leader!

Liturgy for the Nativity of Kirsty MacColl (10/10/59)

Kirsty is among the premier rank of Beaker saints.  Just for being so feisty, and her singing voice, and the brilliant lyrics.  And the cleverness.  And "Chipshop".  And we miss her.

The Beaker Folk have various honorary titles for Kirsty, including "Queen of New York City", "Electric Landlady" and, of course, "Celestine".

 

We call to mind the mystical presence with us of the Community of Former Folk

Archdruid: There's an angel floating round my house.  Floating round my house.

All: There's an angel floating round this house.  Floating round this heart.  Round this head.

A Commination, calling to mind the divisions in our society

Archdruid: From an uptown apartment to a knife on the A-Train

All: It's not that far.

Archdruid: From the sharks in the penthouse to the rats in the basement

All: It's not that far.

Archdruid: To the bag-lady frozen asleep on the church steps

All: It's not that far.

Lapse into pre-Reformation theology regarding forgiveness

Archdruid: You just haven't earned it yet, baby.

Rejection of the hierarchy's attempt to control the dispensation of grace

All: It's my affair, it's up to me and not to you.  It's my affair.  Oh Yeah.

The Archdruid's response to such rebellion

Archdruid: You scumbags, you maggots, you cheap lousy faggots.

All: And also with you.

The Traditional Beaker Hymn: Mambo de la Luna

Meditation on the apparent pointlessness of social action

Archdruid: I don't want to change the world

All: I'm not looking for a New England.

Dismissal

Archdruid: I look to the future and see a thousand setting suns.

All: And tomorrow never comes.

Happy 50th, Kirsty.  There's still an empty bench in Soho Square.

Justice for Kirsty                                                Kirstymaccoll.com

Litany for the 30th anniversary of barcode usage in Britain

Dress code: Black and white stripes

Archdruid: May the code be with you

All: And with thy scanner.

Archdruid: Let us give thanks for the invention that took up to 10 seconds off the average shopping trip.

All: Truly it is amazing.

Archdruid: That lets the price be known by reading the GTIN from the stripes, and converting it even unto a SKU through the power of PLU.

All: Truly it is amazing.

Archdruid: Whether ITF-14, UPC or EAN-13.

All: Truly it is amazing.

Archdruid: Gathering Management Information unto the third generation.

All: Even unto the portals of Tesco Towers, Enfield.

Archdruid: We have seen the light.

All: And it is red.

Archdruid: Not that we would want to look straight at that light.

All: For indeed it is a laser.

Blessing

Archdruid: May your light margins be ever wide.

All: And thy check digit ever add up to 10 minus the sum of all the odd numbers times 3, plus the even numbers.  Modulo 10 of course.* 

* for EAN-13.  For other symbologies please refer to the GS1-UK website.