Unwedding Ceremony

Or: the order for the blessing of the relationship of a couple whose marriage cannot yet be blessed on account of the divorce has been unfortunately delayed.

Archdruid: We come together together today to join together.... er, to accept as a fait accompli the fact that this man and this woman (or as it may be this man and this man, etc) have joined themselves together, before the legal ceremony of joining them together, on account of one of them is still legally joined to somebody else so we can't.  Or something.

Living out of wedlock is an estate that we'll just have to accept on this occasion.  We don't like it, but let's face it, it's an imperfect world.  

Second marriages are an estate ordained of the Government and tolerated by the Church, for the giving of second chances and providing an environment in which several people's children may be nurtured.  And frankly we'll all be feeling a lot more comfortable when we get them as far as the second marriage.

M and N are about to continue in their state of unwed cohabitation.  They have already given consent to one another, and in token of this we'll just move on swiftly.

Archdruid:  Now does anyone have any reason why this man and this woman should not be joining themselves together in holy out-of-wedlock?

Traditionalist: (from the back): How about because it's still adultery?

Archdruid: Oooh.  Hadn't thought of that.  I don't think we are in any place to pass judgement.  Who among us could throw the first stone?

Traditionalist: Hang on - I'll nip off and get one... 

Archdruid: Who giveth this woman?

P (First Husband): I will, just as soon as the decree absolute comes through.  It'll be my pleasure.

Archdruid: N, do you take M  to be your unlawfully appointed other half, to complain he's still down the boozer, point out that the eldest kid that causes all the trouble is his, and complain that R, his former wife, still has way too much control over him and gets too much money for the youngest one?

N: I do.

Archdruid: M, will you take N to be your equally unofficial "partner", do your best to drink the money that P  sends her for their kids, and do your best to avoid being finally roped into official marriage, as long as ye both shall live?

M: I will.

Archdruid: Q, despite being the child of neither M nor N, yet you unaccountably live in their house.  How do you explain it?

Q: Dunno. Did I get left over somewhere?

Archdruid: OK. I now pronounce you... man and somebody else's wife.  

You may kiss... well, whoever...

Outbreak of the traditional punch-up.

A Beaker Initiation

A strange and wonderful occasion, my initiation as a Beaker Person.

I and the other new Folk were dragged from our beds in the bed at 2am by members of the Community. From the smell of ale and home-made cider, I can only assume they had been frequenting the White Horse prior to having a drop after-hours in the community Bar - perhaps the consumption of such libations is part of the preparations for this great event.

Before the event, I was made to change into the traditional Beaker clothing. Frankly I'm not sure how authentic the Cameron tartan is for a pre-Celtic tradition, but maybe that's where the Camerons inherited the design from...

Blind-folded, we three new initiates were led out of the orchard and across a field to the sound of tabors, pipes and - strangely - a saxophone. We were made to kneel while the chanting proceeded around us. Initially it was simply a repeated "Om", although someone - I suspect it may have been young Keith - varied this at one point to "Burn the Witch!". That they subsequently segued into "Summer is i cumen in" would make anyone who has seen The Wicker Man rather nervous. However the ceremony was pronounced to be complete, save for a ceremonial cleansing ceremony. I can't help thinking this was rather clumsily carried out, as we ended up face-down in the mud at the bottom of the brook. We waited for a while in the brook but, since nothing else happened, we presumed our initiation to be complete. Taking our blindfolds off we walked back to the Great House to discover that it was locked and dark.

Cold and wet, we realised we had to find somewhere to stay the night, so we were relieved to find the potting shed. However we were much less cheerful when we discovered that the Hermit of Suspicion and Hermit of Imprecation were both already in residence. One spent the rest of the night watching us very closely, while the other swore under his breath and occasionally threw pots at us.

The funny thing is, when I mentioned the Initiation this morning to Archdruid Eileen, she pretended not to know what I was talking about. Perhaps the secrecy is part of the rite?