Evicting Burton

I must admit, I wasn't expecting it to be so difficult to evict Burton.

The legalities are horrendous, and seem to go back to feudal times. In those days under a complex arrangement of copyhold and turbaria, tenants on the estate where the Great House now stands had possession of their lands until a certain number of lives had come to an end and the tenancies lapsed back to the landlord or landlady - in this instance, me.

In the past my ancestors normally dealt with this kind of legal nicety by burying the offending peasants in the marshy ground down by the brook, or getting them declared guilty of heresy or treason - always a handy way of freeing up property and also inheriting a few quid. But in this allegedly enlightened century, these options aren't available to us. I'd considered letting a few badgers loose in Burton's dwelling - he being notoriously terrified of these monochrome chums - but I can't do that because, incredibly, they have rights - the badgers, that is, not Burton.

And then to compound my problems, "Occupy Husborne Crawley" came along and pitched their tents along my corridor. Through gritted teeth, and with fingers resolutely crossed behind my back, I have promised that if they go away and deposit themselves somewhere less local, I will leave Burton to live in his lodgings in peace.

Or, at any rate, I will try to find somewhere suitable for him to "exchange."

The Converted Chapel Concept

Sadly my latest business venture has suffered a setback. I've had my planning permission refused.

I've noticed the popularity of converted chapels on the housing market. And the numerous shows along the lines of build/buy/convert a house and you will be a happier, better, nicer person. Living in a converted chapel, clearly you have built-in "character" and substantially enhanced spirituality. And so I came up with my scheme. An entire housing estate built in the style of converted chapels. What could have more character? And the Milton Keynes expansion zone could do with an enterpreneur prepared to get out and do some building in these depressionary times. And all my "spaces" would be much cheaper to buy than real converted chapels, which have the inconvenient habit of being made out of proper building materials.

But no. Once again I have have been foiled by the machinations of council environmental departments. I can't see why they were so down on the idea - was it the plans for a replica of Westminster Abbey converted into a block of flats? Or the crematorium chapel? Or the bright idea of having one of the converted Anglican churches with its own graveyard and a working set of bells? Or the Stonehenge with the trilithons boarded up to form "authentic" Beaker studio flats? It looks like I  shall have to go back to the drawing board before the "Saints Estate" gets properly off the ground.