Service of Cultural Appropriation

Complaints from the Welsh regulars in the Beaker Folk that our "Worship in the Celtic Style" is cultural appropriation.

I have given them short shrift. Celtic Worship has got absolutely nothing to do with any traditional worship of the Welsh, Irish, Scots, Bretons or indeed the small Brethonic enclave that survived in the Chilterns during the Angle invasion. If anyone wants to complain about us appropriating their culture on this one, it's probably the people that run Irish Pubs. And we haven't heard a word from them.

Toxic Masculinity in West Texas

Pondering, in the light of the American election, the subtext of that Country and Western classic, El Paso.


The song is a paeon of (or is that to? - Hnaef, please check) toxic masculinity. The singer / narrator (originally Marty Robbins) falls in love with a Mexican girl. We are not told whether the love is returned - maybe not, as in short order the wicked Faleena  is sharing drinks with a random wild young cowboy. The narrator guns the guy down and then he realises he has to run for it.

While lurking in New Mexico he realises he can't live with her, can't live without her. Turns his (stolen) horse round, goes back, is shot and dies in Faleena's arms. He clearly had no right to Faleena. She gave no evidence - until he died in her arms - of having any interest in him. Apparently she was more interested in twirling. A waste of two young lives, and guilt on the head of someone whose wickedness appears to have manifested in having an innocent drink. And twirling.

In Trump's America, of course, things would be different. Faleena would be the other side of a giant wall - presumably working in Rosie's now Mexican-based cantina, to earn enough money to pay for the bricks her brother is being forced to lay along the route of the Rio Grande. Marty Robbins would be out earning an honest crust instead of pestering Mexican maidens who aren't actually all that interested, and think that wild young cowboys are more interesting than whingeing, short-tempered C&W singers.

You can't say Trump won't make some things better.

The New Moot House Rises

Amazing how quickly you can create a new place of worship in these days. I am pleased to declare the new Moot House open.

To be honest, we had had just about enough of sharing St Bogwulf's Chapel with Drayton's "Funambulist Baptists." You try quietly finishing a period of meditation on a hazelnut while a bunch of fundies shout "Pagan Heretics" at you.

So the new Moot House is a giant Native American tipi, made of fireproof chrome-coated woven polymer mesh suspended on steel scaffolding poles. I can't wait for our next "Festival of Cultural Appropriation".

20 Reasons Why Hillary Won Really

1. She got more of the popular vote.
2. She's not Trump.
3. All the people I know are really upset about it.
4. Obama is so cool. Sure, he ignored the people in the Rust Belt. But they're not cool. Priorities.
5. Miley Cyrus is really unhappy.
6. There's people protesting against the Trump victory so it must have been wrong.
7.  California may become independent.
8. How come redneck votes are worth the same amount each as Tom Hanks's vote? That doesn't seem right.
9. The John Lewis ad shows even foxes and badgers can get on. A direct coded message Trump.
10. The media was rigged against her.
11. She won with white,  middle class mums.
12. If we weighted votes for cleverness, Hillary won by a landslide. Except in Alabama. Wasteland.
13. Oh good grief. Sarah Palin. Please, no. Imagine her and Boris Johnson having to negotiate  trade deal. Leamington Spa would end up at war with Alaska.
14. If you're really entitled, you can just assume you won anyway.
15. Virtual Reality might be the answer here.
16. The Canadian immigration website crashed. Albeit it's hosted by  a Sinclair Spectrum running Windows Server 2003, powered by a John Lewis badger in a big wheel.
17. Oh gosh. Imagine if it crashed because all the Canadians wanted to move to America now?
18. The Dow Jones has crashed in sympathy.
19. No wait - it hasn't. Wall Street must know that Hillary and Obama, Miley and Tom Hanks are secretly still in charge.
20. Even if I knew the world were to end tomorrow, I'd still have a pumpkin spice skinny flat white today.

Thoughtful, Pastoral Blog Post in Response to the Election of Donald Trump

Stone me.

Introverts' Service Foiled

The Introverts' Service completely ruined today.

We were going to play the game where you have to throw a ball to someone in a circle. And then they have to say something about themselves that is great.

Except somebody snuck into Bogwulf Chapel and wrapped it in tin foil. Which was a problem as the service before the one for Introverts was one for people seeking a place free of tin foil. What were the chances?

So they called the police and the place us cordoned off. I tell you, it's lucky none of the introverts turned up anyway. Apparently they'd gone for thirty individual walks in the woods instead.

Late Night Prayer Foiled

Apologies for the cancellation of this evening's "Late Night Prayer".

A meditative, relaxing service with Enya CDs and general nice gooey feelings. Totally ruined when we came into Bogwulf Chapel to discover that someone had wrapped tin foil around all the tea lights.

I have no idea what it means. But it means nobody wanted to wait that long for the service to start. So we just skipped straight to Liturgical Cocoa Time.

Emoji Liturgy

Approach: 😬 💖😟 😠😇 😉 😊

Confession: 😢😢😢💔💔💔

Absolution: 👍👍👍👍👍

Time of worship: 😇 😇 🎈😇  😍 😍 🎈😍

Sermon: 🤦🤦🗿🤦🤦🗿🤦🤦

Time of Spiritual Warfare: 💪🏾 💪💪💪🏾 💪

Time of prayer for blessing: 🙌🏽🙋🏾💥

Intercession: 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

Children come in from Little Pebbles: 👨‍👨‍👧‍👦🍬🍬

Offering (with reminder of state of the roof) ⛈⛈⛈⛈⛈

Communion nobody really wants to think about: 🤡🤡🤡

Dismissal:  🚗 🚕 🚙 

Coffee time:🍵 ☕️🍵 ☕️🍵 ☕️ 

Cheeky One after Church🍷 🍸 🍹 :  🍺 🍻 

Emojis from Getemoji

EU Make me Feel (Mighty Real)

The decision by High Court judges that the United Kingdom is a Parliamentary democracy has upset many who claim to be proud to be British.

The referendum on Brexit only asked one question: should we leave or remain in the EU. There weren't  a whole load of subsidiary questions: what kind of trade deal? How should  we approach migration? What about the millions of Britons abroad? What do we do about Europol?

If asked I reckon most Britons who voted to leave wanted the same trade arrangements  as today, with free movement to Europe for British subjects - why should we queue at customs? - but tight restrictions for Europeans coming to our blessed shores. Some probably would have added to that with expulsions - but only for Europeans, not for Brits who have retired to Malaga. Tim Martin of Weatherspoons apparently wanted the old agreements for buying in foreign alcohol. Ah Mr Martin - we have lost control. Europe is now not something we will get a vote in - it is a trading partner  and competitor. And it is much bigger than us. Brexit means Brexit.

Which of course it doesn't. Assuming the Supreme Court doesn't decide that we actually live in an elected dictatorship or ochlocracy, the Government will have to come back to Parliament showing its working out, and then MPs will get to vote. I really hope that happens. Because if it doesn't it means Brexit means whatever the Barclay Brothers (residents of Monaco), and a tax exiled Viscount decide between their newspapers. And we fought long and hard for our democracy and an independent judiciary. I wouldn't like to think we were being controlled by people in other countries - would you?

Richard Hooker Day

We're glad to remember today that Anglican divine and fine batsman, Richard Hooker. The founder of the Church Times Cricket Cup.

Though some say it's because of his theology that the Church of England has been on the back foot ever since.

The Beaker "Woman of the Year" Shortlist

I'm pleased to announce this year's Beaker "Woman of the Year" shortlist.

1. Grayson Perry
2.  Dipsy from the Telly Tubbies
3. Pierre and Marie Curie (posthumous)
4. Bear Grylls
5. Jamie Oliver
6. Archdruid Eileen
7. Donald Trump  (as nobody has more respect for women)
8. David Mitchell (as his wife is intelligent and therefore a bit scary yet still attractive. Burton Dasset says).
9. Prince Philip
10. Julian Assange.

We're expecting a close vote. But I reckon it could be me for the thirteenth year running.